You

I remember the night I met you. 

You were kind and funny,

you gave my sister and I money and ate our mom’s cooking.

She never cooked but she did for you. 

I remember when you left that night, 

My mom walked you out to your car

my sister and I watched from the window as you kissed her. 

The same way you ended up kissing me, 

Forced and awkward. 

————————————————————————-

Everything after that is sort of a blur, 

I don’t remember when it started or even how. 

I just remember sleepless nights on the couch in the dark, 

and you leaving my mother sleeping to come “sit with me”.

I remember saying nothing, 

but when its a nine year old do they need to? 

I remember episodes of full house, 

If I see certain scenes now I feel sick to my stomach. 

Maybe if I just focus on the show it would mean none of this happened.

Right? 

Wrong. 

I know now it did happen because I wake up screaming,

to what should be a nightmare but was my reality. 

When I’m driving I scan the road for your truck. 

Do you even drive that truck anymore? 

I’m not certain so I scan for faces too. 

I almost think I see you. 

What sucks is you still have that power over me. 

I wouldn’t move because I was yours. 

You made that very clear and even after the years its still true. 

You own me, my thoughts, even my body. 

I can still feel your rough hands on my skin. 

Your lingering and stinging kisses are still on my lips. 

One day I hope I can break free of your chains. 

But all I have now is hope.