Cruel Vs Kind
Ever since I was a young girl, I always had everything I ever wanted or asked for. Living in a nice house, every nice toy I saw on T.V, and multiple pets from fish to dogs. Not once I wondered how cruel or painful reality could be. Especially in the presence of a young child who was shielded from the darkness of life. When I grew up to around the ending of second grade of elementary school, my mother made the decision for us to move to California, thus beginning the story of how I met true reality. With all our savings spent we traveled through car to our new home. We roomed with some new friends my mother made over a church Facebook page till we got settled. Then, we moved into our first home.
“This isn’t a big house, there’s no yard to roll and play on.” These were thoughts that ran through my head when we moved in. My spoiled life quickly changed the moment we moved, and it was going to get worse. My mother and I jumped from house to house, never being able to stay in one location for long. Deprived of the spoils of getting everything I asked for in a single heartbeat. Money was scarce, my mom struggled to find a job and stable home. I witnessed the cruel reality of people at a young age as well. Saw crime on every corner, police and helicopters roaring of a dangerous criminal loose on the streets. The foul air smelt of drugs and alcohol. And never being taught any self defense physically nor emotionally, I fallen victim to cruel people who used me.
My sister abandoned my mother and I, with me still falling victim to bad people, having my mother sick from stress. A large dark cloud formed around our heads. My mother worked herself sick trying to support us, to the point the hospitals knew her and myself. I’ve lost count of the times she went. My family fell into the pool of depression as we struggled to survive another week.
Fell from having it all like a princess, to learning to be a young adult too early for my age. Learning to ask for less things, especially ones that cost a lot, and taking care of things when my mom was in the hospital. This caused a break in the cloud for me. The depression turned into scars across my skin and tears dried up like an empty well for the times I cried in sorrow. “Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don’t think I’m winning anymore”-Devanshi Satija.
Not taking it anymore a quick decision to move back to Colorado was made. And life was kind to us once again. Till a breaking point. That’s when the harsh reality of life came back, mostly upon my mother. The doctors confessed she had breast cancer, shattering my soul. “Cancer..The painful suffering by Death’s touch plagued my mom again” I complained. For months, she took a long stay in the hospital, leaving me to smile and carry on with the life I hated dearly. But how can you distinguish who to truly blame? Life has thrown my mind into the sea of depression.
Pulling myself out of the water many times over, my mother was thankfully getting better, but my happiness was still drowning. My head still felt trapped beneath the dark water, drowning me in the anxiety and depression. But, if you were to ask the common question, I will respond with the common answer. “I’m not fine as in fine, but fine as in you don’t have to worry about me” -Dr.Gregory House. I do not trust the realities that life has brought before me, nor blame my family for protecting me too long, but do not expect to see me smile and say that I like life itself.