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Thinks & Inks

By @astrid_hartman

Weightless

I’m over it.

I wish to be free of the burden of thee but, alas, you ensnare me so.

With your words and your touches.

I can never seem to fully rid myself of you.

You are the blackest of black, the darkest of night.

Choking, I’m choking.

You’re strangling me.

Why can’t you see?

Why are you so blind to all the pain that you are making me feel?

I’m trying to save us.

But you’re making it so difficult.

Are you not going to change,

Are you not going to try because my parents know? 

But you should always fight.

But you never will.

I will go to war, put on my battle armor for you.

Whilst you sit idle on the sidelines, doing nothing but watching me fail.

Because you have your own demons inside,

Your own inner battle that you go through.

And you lose, everyday. 

But you brought that all on yourself. 

You have to be stronger.

You have to.

I have done so much.

But I cannot.

Not anymore.

You are too heavy to carry in my heart any longer.

I lay your weight down, stone by stone.

Until there is nothing left to atone for you.

Until I am free of the weight, 

And can fly once more… 

 

Oh, how I have missed this,

The peace that comes with letting go.

Why did I not do this sooner? 

Why did I hold on for so long? 

Because I thought I needed you,

I thought you would change,

I thought you cared enough. 

 

You exhausted me.

I was never enough. 

The hole in your heart is too deep,

Too twisted,

A black hole, devouring everything in sight. 

 

My friends, my lovely friends, had told me that you were no good.

But I had to come to that realization.

I had to come to that point. 

The long process of slowly lightening my heart,

Of unpacking you from my life. 

 

After so many months of being weighed down, 

I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

How did I forget in such a short amount of time,

What true happiness feels like? 

I never want to lose this feeling. 

And I shall make doubly sure 

That you can never boast

Of stealing my smile

Ever again. 

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