I had an idea I don't know the beginning of the story well but I want feedback
The room was cool and had a slight breeze from the windows. Phillip’s warm, gloved hand strokes against my baren one. The floor was wooden, the celling has a rectangular green and white-colored section and there were long windows with majestic curtains, the windows were open letting in a lovely breeze. Me and Phillip were on the side with most of the people, most of Phillip’s family is in the center. As I look around I see mostly puras and puros I look around but I see something else, Malin? That’s odd Phillip says that they wouldn’t be around in here. One could get in if no one knew and someone in Phillip’s family knew them, that’s how I got in here.
“Phillip,” I said “there is a malin here,” I whisper.
“Well, of course, your just counting yourself,” he says in a sweat cheerful voice.
“No, Phillip that’s not how that works,” I believe Phillip ignored me, as he looks onto the main floor.
“Sarah may we dance now?” he asked, “I’ve taught you had to do it and it took longer than it should.” He grabs my hand and smiles after he says his snappy remark to almost make up for it.
“Actually, I would like to follow that man, he’s malin and I thought they weren’t supposed to be here,” I said.
“Sarah it’s fine, look we have a wonderful way to make sure people with malicious intent don’t do anything bad, don’t worry I invited you here, taught you to Walz and had to teach you basic customs just so I could dance and bring you here. Can we please go?” he begged
“Phillip I’m not going to until I find out until that man is safe,” I snapped. Phillip sighed angrily he would go on for more but he wouldn’t want to cause a scene. More people came onto the floor as I left to go see this man. I squeezed through people going in the counter-clockwise in a circular motion. I saw the Malin he had black hair, he was tall and had a small build. He had a brownish-red coat and a white shirt that had a knot for his shirt collar.
He stopped and looked at me in a puzzled look, “Who are you?” he said his voice has gruff. His eyes are a deep green, his skin is pale, he has a slight 5 a-clock shadow, he had slight backs under his eyes. “I asked a question who are you and what are you doing here?” he demanded. “Did they bring you here to replace me?” he asked, my heart pounded. Who is he and why does he want to know these things? If he does something I’ll be dead, people will accuse me of helping him because we are both the same. A million thing go in and out of my head.
“I’m Sarah and I was going to ask what are you doing here until you asked a similar question,” I snapped trying to hide my fear. He doesn’t know what to say not like I made him speechless but he is unsure if I side with him. He jolts my hand away and down the dimly lit hallway. I tried to pull away from him but I’m unable too a million things rush into my head and time seems to slow down. As I try to let out a cry something happened I am unable to open my mouth. I try to jolt away with all my might everything I have in my body. This man is strong and I’m weak. If I have to use my magic I will, I take a long exhalation through my nose and try to go into my mind, everything is loud and all I can think about is this.
I should of listen to my teacher and trained more and now I’ll probably die in some isolated room now and I have no way of telling Phillip, his family or the guards. At least Phillip will notice that I was gone and he’ll do something or maybe he is still mad at me.
He throws me into a completely dark room, I still can’t talk or move. I’m laying on the hard and wooden ground. The door closes and I can barely see the man, all I hear is breathing, and his slow footsteps towards me.
“It’s okay darling,” he whispers in an eerily calming voice as he grabs my face. “It will all be over soon,” he drops his hand as I hear something slide from below me. I try to squirm away from him but I can’t, I’m unable to do anything. I feel the tears I’ve been trying to keep in pour down my face. I’m going to die with Phillip still angry at me, with someone dead because I was unable to run away from this man because I didn’t listen to my teacher about training harder.
I feel a strong beating and push from him, I hear start to get up and walk away. The light from the hallway although dim felt brightly painful to look at. The floor seemed to wobble below me as everything went to fuzz. As the world began to blacken out I felt my eyes start to close as I go to sleep for the last time.