Everyday, I run further and further from reality. I wonder if one day, I’ll run too far and get lost. One day I could just live fully in my own little world. My world is forever changing. Forever being chased by the traumas and depths of my darkest thoughts. Forever chasing after things, such as sweet strawberry fields, ends of rainbows, and the deepest parts of the ocean. It’s always wishing I could inch closer to the purple sunset, baby shaped clouds, and golden rays of the sun. I wish I could leave reality and just ride sleds down hills in the winter and make flower crowns in the spring. That reality sounds so much more enjoyable than the one I’m in. It’s full of liars and cheaters, dressed as lovers and saints. Full of tears and cuts, covered by layers of makeup. Full of shaking legs and biting lips, that we call a “nervous habit.” Full of little boys and girls, just trying to be heard and understood. I’m one of those little girls. Just trying to be listened to and given attention. I found ways to get both, none of them healthy. My ways include blood, lies, and screaming, outlined with tears and blames. In the end who will be left to blame? In the end, in the very last bits of life, all I will have is myself. All I will have is my thoughts and my reality. So why not live in my own reality? What’s the use in living in real life, if in the end no one will be there to live it with? Who cares? All I have is myself at the end of the day, so I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t care what they want me to be. I don’t care what white lies and half truths they want me to say. I don’t care what tight corsets and endless pounds of makeup they want me to wear. I don’t even care who “they” is. I can be who I want, what I want, and where I want my brain to be. Plus my world is so much more fun than theirs. Their world is full of hundreds of thousands of files with paperwork, It’s filled with grey days and gloomy faces. Full of stuffy lunchins and boring dinners with people you don’t even know. I’d much rather live in my world.