May 2018 Prompt: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
May 2018 Word: Ghastly
A CASE FOR MERMAIDS
“Jess! Tonight is not about Howie”
Emily was leaning across Astrid in the backseat of the Honda Accord,
chiding Jess for being so obsessive.
“I’m serious,” She said bobbing her head so her blonde pigtails swung
this way and that. really the whole purpose of arguing in the first
place. “i did not plan girls night to hear all about what he thinks of
the bathroom light fixture.”
Astrid, who was busy trying to emboss herself into the middle seat of
the car, said “yuck. hair. in my mouth. Em do you mind?”
from the drivers seat, Isabelle glared at the rearview mirror.
“dont make me come back there” she said “Emily, you didnt even plan
this girls night, I did.”
she pulled into Ying Mays driveway and unbuckled.
“now yall better behave while i go fetch her. I dont want any bad
reports” she climbed out and slammed the door.
the girls sat in silence for a moment, Jess looking down at her phone
in her lap, probably texting Howie.
Emily frowned. “Izzy thinks she is so superior”
Astrid nodded enthusiastically. “yeah. cuz she’s like, older than us
and stuff. she thinks she can tell us what to do”
they sat in silence for a moment longer, until the snickers couldnt be held in.
Isabelle had a suspicious look on her face when she and Ying May got
back in the car.
“I can tell You’ve been bad. it’ll be into the dungeon for all of you”
she said, pulling onto m57.
“Me?” Jess exclamed, finally raising her eyes off the phone to defend
herself. “I didnt do anything!”
Emily grinned “She’s like a mom, She’s got eyes on the back of her
head and ears she leaves in the car” she mumbled.
“did you hear that, Isabelle?” Astrid leaned forword, now straining
against her seatbelt. “according to Em, You’re slightly deformed”
Emily smacked her. “throw me under the buss now? i thought we were in kahoots”
“im too pritty to be thrown in a dungeon” Astrid deflected the assult
with her expencive target brand clutch.
“can we get a bigger car?” Jess growned, trying to distance herself
from the two fighting.
“ask Howie, He’s your boss.” Isabelle said, checking over her sholder
before speeding up to pass the puttering prius. “WHY is everyone going
so slow? at this rate we’ll never get anywhere”
Emily scrambled for Jess’s phone. “NO! dont ask Howie! this is NOT about Howie!”
After a brief squabble about privacy, and who’s phone was who’s, and
if finders was actually keepers of not, the car quieted enough for the
slight crinkle of a wrapper to be heard coming from the from the front
Ying May looked around her chair sheepeshly and held up a package.
“wait. what?” Astrid seemed generaly confused. “arnt we going out to eat?”
“Astrid!” Emily gritted out, elbowing her in the ribs.
“yeah, Astrid. be sweet.” isabelle said, looked at her through the
rearview. “She’s aloud to have a pre-dinner snack. She’s pregnant.”
Ying May laughed good naturedly. “am not” She said while dropping
breakfast bisquet crumbs into her open mouth.
there had probably been a time when the five girls had not been best
friends, but none of them remembered such atime, or if they did, it
seemed like a distant story and very far away.
this was their usual banter, like as with chickens, and they had all
but matered the pecking order.
tonight was just another girls night out on the town, and they could
keep up their squables and sqwalks til dawn.
they arived at Greenwell soon enough and filed in, tripping over
eachothers converse and raising their eyebrows while nodding at the
bartender, who was bobbing his head to the music. he has his eyes
closed and his chin jut out, all while polishing glasses with a cloth.
“my point is” Jess said, figer jabbed into the air, as they followed
the hostess to a table in the back. “that no touch, no talk, no eye
contact is very important and everyone should be educated.”
Ying May slid into a chair next to Jess and smiled politely.
“your progect is very admirable.” she said, picking up a menu and
peering at it interestedly. “to much of a high calling for me though,
and i dont think i can commit to something that noble. because if i
see an adorable frenchie puppy, there is no way im not picking it up
and giving it eskimo kisses-ooh they have roasted pears here!”
“what are you getting?” Astrid asked, leaning over to check out
Emily’s menu, even though she was holding the same one.
Emily snapped hers shut. “we’re sharing the grilled salmon, duh!”
“oh yeah, I knew that” Astrid grinned, wrinkling her nose.
“what!?” Isabelle was discruntled with this turn of events. “I thought
you were sharing with me!”
“Isabelle!” Jess decided she wanted in on this too. “Ithought you were
gonna share with me!”
everyone looked pointedly at Jess.
“no one wants to share with you” Astrid said.
“Howie would have” Jess grumbled.
“this is not about Howie!” Astrid, Emily and Isabelle said in unison,
then did a three way high five.
“you know what high fives remind me of?” Astrid asked, waggling her eyebrows.
all the girls shook their heads.
“when you feel a little twitchy cuz you just pulled an all nighter?”
“nope.” Astrid said “but good try. it actually reminds me of high tea,
which reminds me that i didnt have lunch”
“you forgot that?” Ying May asked, perplexed.
“high tea is actually before lunch” Emily informed everyone “and it
was what poor people did because they had to work and so they got
hungry faster than the rich people who didnt have to work. plus they
couldnt afford a breakfast that was hardy enough to keep them going
until lunch, or something like that”
“which reminds me” Astrid continued “that Im really hungry”
“dont worry” Jess said, reaching over to pat Astrid on the head “Ying
Mays fries will get out here before the rest of our food and that will
tide us over”
Ying May frowned “I didnt order fries”
“but you will.”
the talk continued this way for quite some time.
right through the french fries, salmon, veggie burger, and of course
near the end of the dinner Astrid said “NO!” and put her food down.
literally. it had been proped on the empty chair across from her.
“you may not get a box for your food. it’ll stink up the car”
“oh, like you wont?” Jess asked.
“well I’m not the one who got a bean burger”
Jess got a box anyway, and they payed their bills and left.
they walked across the street to the car and got in. Ying May
immediatly turned in the radio and began scrolling, and Astrid began
singing along with what ever came on.
“wow.” Emily sighed dreamily. “it always amazes me how you can sing
harmony without even trying, its-wait!”
she sat up strait and then clambored in front of Astrid. “go back to that song!”
“the taylor swift one?” YIng May asked, spinning the dial back.
“not the taylor swift one” isabelle complained.
“noooo!” Jess and Astrid groaned.
“yes!” Emily laughed “its so funny!”
“its so annoying” Isabelle said.
“but did you hear the part at the end?”
“i can SEE an end” Astrid vollentiered. “a hind end in my face. could
you sit down?”
“pinch it” Ying May suggested.
Emily was still discussing the song. “she starts talking and is like
‘so he calls me up and he’s like ‘ i still love you’ and im just like
‘i do not have the time or the crayons to explain this to you’ and
then she starts screaming”
“its not funny, its just dumb” Jess argued
“YOU”RE dumb” Emily said, and plopped back in her seat, almost landing
Jess continued “have you seen the cover of her new album> she’s trying
to be like joan jett but she cant pull it off. her face is this gastly
white. and black hair does not look good on her.”
“your so judgmental” Emily huffed.
“someone has to have desernment”
“on that note, lets go to the phones!” said Isabelle “does anyone want
potato wedges?” she asked, pulling into the gas station “its the best
time of the day to get them”
“i have an idea!” shouted Emily “lets all go swimming in the dark and
“Howie wouldnt allow it” Jess said
“but this isnt about Howie!”
but, alas, it was.
and the moral of the story is: dont let your sister get married or you
wont get to be a mermaid.