By Halle Dorey
Did I break her?
While I was caught up,
Tryna change the government,
Save the world.
Did I break Rose?
I should have noticed,
She didn’t seem broken though,
She didn’t act like a broken doll.
I should have noticed as her petals wilted,
Fell to the floor.
I think she painted them on,
At the end I think she painted her petals,
sewed them back on.
Hide her tears behind rose tinted glasses.
Fake laughed at my jokes,
Fake smiles across the room.
We made plans together,
Did she know she was lying to me?
I should have noticed the warning signs,
Before we were in hindsight.
Should have scraped the boys.
There was a gun in her hands,
And they gave her the bullets.
If I had a gun in my hands right now,
I’d point it at them.
Watch the light they stole drain from their eyes.
And I know it’s wrong,
You don’t have to tell me twice.
“You’d be prettier if you smiled.”
I learnt that it’s hard to look pretty with tears on your sleeve.
I learnt pretty doesn’t matter that much.
I learnt pretty hurts.
With perfect lifes.
Pretty perfect reputations.
Pretty rich families,
Too pretty to kick out of school,
Pretty ******* teachers,
Blinded to their pretty words,
Pretty model on instagram,
Pretty perfect photographs,
And her pretty white lie.
Can’t hide the ugly truth anymore.
There is blood on their hands and I don’t know if they care.
Forgive me for making things violent,
But I stand by what I say.
If I had seen the gun,
I’d have taken it out of her hands,
I’d have pointed it straight at them,
Maybe then they’d have listened.
Or maybe I should have listened.
Read between the lines,
Cos it’s fine to be there when they ask for help,
But some don’t even get that far.
Hey maybe it’s chemicals,
A disease without a cure.
But maybe there’s something I should have said,
Could have said,
Would have said.
If I could have seen that text before.
You should have seen that text,
A text that read,
“I survived but I didn’t want to.”
The words made sense but I didn’t want them to.
The idea that it came so close,
One minute that was the difference.
I was so close to losing you and I know it’s selfish,
Cos you lost yourself way before.
But I’d miss you.
I was so close to missing you,
So close to wearing black,
Placing roses on a gravestone.
So ******* close to the end.
Oh how lucky,
It is that you got a second chance,
And I know you didn’t want it.
I know you didn’t want to stay but if it makes any difference,
I want you to.
I swear I’ll be better,
This time around.
You are a diamond in the rough,
And you don’t hear me say it enough,
But I love you bro.
I wanted us to paddle in the shallows for a little,
Talk about crushes and fangirl over Titanic.
I didn’t know you were already sinking.
Not when I got that text but I guess you’re in the deep end now,
And I won’t let you swim alone.
I may not be able to fix anything,
But I swear I am trying my best.
I may never be the reason you stay,
But I’ll try to find it with you.
Remember that day we spelt on the roller coasters,
I wanna do it again sometime.
I wanna do it all,
There might not be any life on mars but we can try to find it someday.
We can make plans and promises,
Dance in the rain and see our favorite bands live,
Hey maybe we could be on that stage,
We can wear matching dresses,
Go to the debs,
Say speeches at each other’s weddings someday.
You can be that aunt that isn’t actually related to my kids,
But they’d never be fully sure.
We can be old women drinking tea and reminiscing over the good old days,
Someday we might have it all.
Living it up in Beverly hills or in a cheap apartment,
Barely getting by but wanting to.
Everything will be okay.
And that text will be a memory,
Of the life you left behind.
I just want you to know that I need you here with me.
That we can take on the world,
Shout **** you to the ones who hurt us.
Someday you’ll be happy.
If we can just save the wilted roses from our weddings days,
Instead of putting those wilted roses on your gravestone.
Please give it a go,
Cos I love you,