Dear diary, you have become my new hobby. Scrapbooking didn’t work out because it took too much time so i’m going to try talking to a piece of paper.
So much has happened since that one day. I don’t know why it all started then, that one particular 7eleven trip where I met Reece but it did. And surprisingly, it’s all mainly about Aaron, not Reece. Reece has become a friend even though I have yet to see him at school. Owen has become my friend and I guess his friends, Alex, Oliver, Hunter, and Archer have become my friends too.
It’s wonderful really, I absolutely love having real friends, Shawn Val and Taylor, I don’t think were ever real friends, we never hung out, we rarely talked, and we didn’t text. It’s all different now.
I’m friends with Brayden too. I met him just wandering the town. I never really thought someone you met on the street could become a real friend. And he’s not a creepy old man so don’t ask.
Of course, I could never ever forget Aaron. I just don’t know where to start. In a short story sort of way I would put it like this, mean- nice- confusing- wonderful.
He was so super rude when he first showed up. There was one time where he made me cry, which wasn’t all his fault, I’ve had a past of bullying and hardship in school so he was more of a trigger, so it wasn’t all his fault. However, he became nice after that.
I somehow convinced him to play in the rain, he got me cookies! Cookies diary, who does that? Aaron does, and it makes me feel just so so special. He met my parents. Kinda, before Natasha and Megan made a giant scene. So I guess that part’s out of the way because soon after, he came to the color run, which was wonderful by the way, and he kissed me! Oh diary, it was amazing, just brilliant. I swear my heart stopped. I mean it didn’t because that would be very bad but it felt so overwhelmed with happiness that I could hardly handle it. It was my very first kiss and it was perfect as far as my knowledge of kisses go.
He walked me home like the true gentleman he is and I wasn’t sure what to do when we stood in front of my house looking at each other for the second time, but he ended up leaning down and kissing me once more before seeing me inside.
I have yet to see him since then and it’s been about two days, well, it’s been one day and I’m about to sleep so almost two days.
It is officially ten days from April first. Do you know what April first is? Well diary, i’ll tell you. April first is April fools day. Also, my birthday. And that’s no joke.
A few months ago I had no plans because none of Shawn, Taylor or Val who were my only friends wanted to do anything.
Now, I’m no expert on friends or anything considering I didn’t have many before a little while ago but i’m pretty sure friends would support others on their birthday.
However, I don’t need to feel sad about them anymore. I haven’t told anyone besides them about my birthday so it might just be a family day. And don’t get me wrong, I love my family and spending my birthday with them would be nice, but this could be my first birthday being with actual friends. But I won’t complain because I still haven’t asked anyone if they wanted to do anything.
Speaking of family, Megan is leaving early tomorrow so today we did a lot of stuff together. She had me take pictures of her for her instagram, we went back to the avenue and bought stuff for her while I stood as still as I could to try and prevent another chaos moment. We really don’t need to get kicked out of another store. And then we came home and watched clueless. And she edited and posted her pictures on instagram before dinner which was delicious by the way.
And she’ll be gone by the time I wake up. It’s been nice Megan, thanks.
Yesterday my dad was being the oaf he is and yelled at me from the kitchen asking me to get the newspaper. Old people, am I right? So anyway I went to get it like the wonderful amazing daughter I am, and guess what. Right on the doorstep was something I haven’t seen a bit but there it was. three actually. And for a moment I was confused because the usual roses have been red and there’s only one. But now there’s three and they are lavender, orange, and the classic red. And of course I had to redo the thought process of ‘are these mine or not’ just like the first time. In the end I concluded that yes, these are mine.
They are so gorgeous, i’ve never really seen colored roses up close, they were just so, ah! I then proceed to rush upstairs and replace the old ones with these ones and jump on my bed kicking my legs in the air like I’m in some sort of disney movie who just got asked on their first date.
I’ve never actually been on a date so who knows, those disney movies could be right.
Later, I was so curious about the colors and why they changed so I looked it up.
Red: Red roses are the most traditional Valentine’s Day flower, and with good reason. This color represents romance, love, beauty and perfection. It is sometimes said that dark red roses represent humility or unconscious beauty.
Orange: Bright, fiery orange represents life, energy, passion and excitement. Give these roses to someone irresistible. Softer shades, like peach, are used to express sincerity or gratitude, while pastel peach is considered a modest color.
Lavender: In the language of flowers, lavender roses are used to tell someone that you’re enchanted by them. They also represent desire and love at first sight.
Now I don’t know if the colors had anything to do with this or if it’s just their favorites, but if it does, this person has quite the infatuation with me.
I didn’t know whether to be creeped out or flattered but I liked the roses so either way I kept them.
It was then, that moment that for some reason I decided to figure out who it was. I mean, why not right? I figured it was time to find out who this mystery rose person was. And that brings me to now. Writing in this diary on my bed with a pen of natashas that has a pink puff ball on the top that sometimes will tickle my arm and make me laugh which is not good when it’s one in the morning and your family is sleeping.
Bunch of bears, I tell you.
I put down the pen and close the journal. Tomorrow I will be going back to school and seeing Aaron again. I’ve never felt this excited. I’m also nervous. Very nervous. I don’t know why but it’s just a build up of anxious emotions threatening to make me explode.
I lay back on my bed stiffly trying to calm my nerves. I shut my eyes and try and forcibly relax. When I realize that’s how you don’t sleep, I stop that and just get up, flipping the blankets around dramatically, I slide out of bed and automatically start pacing the floor.
Things shouldn’t be that awkward right? It was only a kiss, not a big deal. Not a big deal at all. He’s probably had tons of kisses and they’re meaningless so it should be the same for me right? Except it was my first kiss but I guess it doesn’t really mean anything.. Or what if it does, what if he had some sort of feeling that led him to kiss me? How am I supposed to react? Do we still talk? Do we kiss?
I feel like there should be a handbook for this sort of thing ‘How to understand feelings 101’
When the *ding* goes off signifying my presence, Evans head shoots up “Rowan?”
Why is he surprised? This is a normal thing Evan, I thought he would have understood that by now. I grin at him and walk up to the counter doing a twirl before resting my arms on the counter. “Hi Evan”
I hold out my money and he takes it turning around already knowing the drill.
As the slushie fills the cup Evan clears his throat “I didn’t think you would be here today, it’s much later than usual and honestly you should be sleeping more, the cooler seasons will be her soon enough and you’ll need all the sleep you can get”
He turns back around handing me the slushie “Yeah says me”
“Well,” I take a sip of my drink “I couldn’t sleep” I take another sip “i have school”
He raises an eyebrow “you have school almost every day”
“With” I hold up one finger “the same guy who kissed me just two days ago”
Evans eyebrows scrunch together and he looks at me for a few moments. He’s deathly quiet and I don’t dare poke the sleeping bear.
“I see” is his comment
I bite my lip in nervousness. Is he upset? He’s always had a sweet sort of protective shadow over me and I’m not sure what to expect right now. “You see?” I re-question
He bites the inside of his cheek before asking “who?”
“Just someone from school, Evan, no need to worry” I laugh a little to try and release the pressure of his hot gaze. I didn’t know he would be so intense!
He lets out a breath, releasing some of the tightness of the hold he held on me. “They shouldn’t be ‘just someone from school’ they should spoken from the heart. You deserve that”
I smile happily at him but my happy gaze soon turns accusatory “you had your first kiss at a party and you didn’t even know her name”
Evan scoffs “I did. It was Sasha”
I shake my head “No, no, I think it was Sandra”
He clicks his tongue. “We’re getting off point. I just want you to know you are worth more than flimsy feelings, be sure to analyze your feelings and know just how solid they are. Your heart isn’t disposable. You need to take care of it and really know who you’re letting in. I just, I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re the little sister I never got to worry about”
“I remember when you were actually around fifteen or sixteen and I was just being trained to work here, you were quite the talker, you talked the whole time your dad was getting random food. You said your mom was on business and your dad didn’t know how to cook so you were stockpiling. And then some other things about zombies, flowers and then you went into talking about the future, you said that you were too cool for boys anyway and that they were stupid.
“You then proceeded to add a ‘but’ to the end of the sentence and went into how you would want your dream husband to be and explain every aspect of your future together. I don’t want you to forget that. Don’t settle for less than your dream. Because then you’ll only spend your life wondering if dreams do come true and not living something that could be but isn’t”
Evan looks far away and I’m in awe that he remembered that day. I remember it too. He was just as grumpy as now.
“Well, what about you?”
Evan sighs “Some people don’t get the chance to understand how delicate the heart can be. And in simply a second, it can be cracked”
My eyebrows furrow in confusion “is your heart cracked?”
He shrugs “Too many first kisses I suppose will make you loose meaning to love”
Despite the serious feelings in this moment I can’t help but let out a chuckle “well aren’t you feeling quite poetic today” I joke
I guess Evans is not in a very joking mood because he just stares straight at me with a serious look “don’t become me. You’re special and not everyone deserves that. I just hope whoever this person is, I hope they work out for you”
A soft smile graces my face “thank you Evan”
“Oh, and by the way, I suggest you don’t give up. Many people may have gotten the chance to have your kiss, but very few have gotten the love. I’m sure Evan’s love is absolutely wonderful. A kiss is a kiss, but they convey everything we want them too. When you convey one with love, it’ll be your first kiss all over again”
His mouth is slightly open and his eyes wide. It’s as if I can see every brain cell thinking over my words. “Goodbye Evan, i’ll see you soon”
I can’t! Oh my gosh I can’t.
I’m standing at the bottom of the steps into school contemplating just turning and running like a mad man back home.
Of course, angry morning bears live there so I doubt i’ll have that option. Although I suppose I could just go back to 7elev-
I hardly have time to comprehend my surroundings before Hunter comes running at me
He’s about to run into me and I close my eyes readying for impact but in about a second before I’m hit, hands grab by shoulders and pull me out of the line of fire.
I let out a startled breath and looked up at my savior.
I laugh at a disgruntled Alex “thanks Alex”
“Hunter you idiot! You almost killed Rowan!” he yells at at Hunter who’s slowly making his way back my way
“I wasn’t gonna hurt her, I just wanted a hug” he whines
“You were going to knock her onto the ground and bury her six feet under” Owen says as he comes up to us “Hi cutie, you alright? I know hunters ugly face can be very scary to look at”
Hunter stomps on the ground as he glares at owen “Shut up you idiot”
I smile politely at both of them “yes Owen, i’m alright” I turn to Hunter “and your not ugly Hunter”
Alex snorts at that comment while Hunter smiles widely “thank you Rowan, you’re the only nice one here”
The bell rings and everyone groans “I don’t wanna do school” they all complain
I start to back away from the group “Well good luck with that, I should probably get going considering I really shouldn’t be late, I’ll see you at lunch?”
They nod and I turn away but I turn back around after a few steps when Hunter calls after me “Wait!” he then links arms with me and starts marching away with me in tow.
“I wanted to walk with you” he says when I look up at him with questioning eyes
I nod and we walk into school. I’m about to take one step in the direction of my locker when he suddenly turns a corner and the sight of my locker leaves me.
“Hunter, I think you need to let me go so I can get to my locker” I tug on my arm which is captured in his and pull it free
He pouts and sighs dramatically “fine”
“See you in history!” he calls
I smile and turn away with my hands clutching the sleeves of my sweater as I walk back to my locker.
Getting my books, I shut my locker and my heart jumps into space seeing him on the other side of my locker door
“How in the world did I not notice you standing there?” I laugh breathlessly
He smiles at me “I figured i’d surprise you, it clearly worked”
I slap his chest lightly “Yes you silly! I could have died Aaron”
He shrugs and I hike my bag up my shoulder and he wraps his arm around me and I can almost see the sunshine coming from my heart.
I lean into his tough and she simply continues to embrace me all the way down the hall.
However, something feels off. Somethings missing..
Unfortunately, our feet get tangled and in a moment of falling, we’re on the ground all sprawled out over the floor and each other.
After checking for injury on eachother we then burst out laughing. I put my face in his chest as my cheeks heat in embarrassment.
This is right. This is how it’s supposed to be.