What If?

What Now

01/26/21

The waves constantly shift beneath my feet, but somehow I feel as if I never move. Frozen in this one spot where my mind keeps asking, what if? But what if I never agreed with my feelings and continued to allow that wave to keep pushing me down until the waves were too powerful to get back up. Then what? Would I be where I am now? Settled? At ease?

Somehow I feel as if I never left standing in front of those waves as they rush up towards my ankles and flow back down into the sea. My energies are more focused on the right things, being the right thing, and allowing the right thing to take over even if it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.

What allows us to feel? Love, sadness, hurt, anger. What allows us to release those feelings? And what allows us to hang on to those feelings and keep reliving them as if they never left.

Is it our hearts telling us we want something else, is it saying that we never fully healed from the past. Is it in our spiritual nature to think we will end up back there someday. I allow these daydreams to flow in and out of my mind. Knowing well that they are not in my existence. Somehow, it allows peace to my mind. Hope. To one day see that side of me again. To grow from those lessons and see me on the other side of what if. What if I grew as a person, and what if I chose myself first instead of others. What would my life look like then?

It is in the waves, they move us side to side back and forth, allowing us to fall down into them. Releasing our tensions and floating effortlessly into the what ifs. 

Today I will release my what now’s. What will I do now to allow myself to fulfill myself? Take care of myself. Allow myself to breathe, to notice, to enjoy, to feel the warm embrace, to capture every moment and then bring those moments back into my everyday to calm myself and to see what I can do now. 

-Hazel