welcome ;; introduction

one

hey

you might be wondering,

‘who is this unprofessional account on here?’

well, good news, this story / biography? here to tell you all about me and my unprofessionalism.

so first,

my name’s kitty but no one calls me that — it’s alli and it’ll probably stay that way.

so hey, my name’s alli

and i write a bunch of weird, deep, wacky stories. welcome to my fricken page, kiddos.

oh and just a header—

profanity will be very heavy when you read my books.

actually, not that heavy, but still for you light-hearted fairies who go and sprinkle magical ‘offended’ dust everywhere.

did i mention this will be very offensive?

hey well, what can i say,

living as a big gay snail for a while really paid off, aye?

and then . . .

the actual serious part. um, my stories will be a little weird — not gonna lie — and, to be fairly honest, my grammar is absolute poopadoodle so — see me making a comma splice? well, let’s hope i have the energy to edit that out! no I’m kidding; i probably will. if i have the time. but i rarely have time.

anyway—

what do i write about?

nonsense. a bunch of blinking nonsense — humour? hah, never existed in my world — awkwardness? hey, you summoned me.

a bunch of weird love stories that i wish would actually happen in real life? but dude, i doubt it will — i mean, for some weird, introverted, scared child on the internet who writes about nothing on their first creation . . . i doubt a love life is even going to be guaranteed— ever.

which is why: i take time to love fictional characters and write a bunch of weird fanfic about them but duuude,

don’t tell me you’ve never written a weird fanfic before and were like, ‘hey I’m pretty proud of this’ then view it a year later to be like, ‘dude, I would rather have a shrivelled feet fetish than this’. because, me too.

are you ever serious in your writing career?

of course! and the chances are, if you’re reading this right now, i’ve probably gotten used to the website and actually written a story so hey! dudes and dudettes, check it out! (i probably haven’t managed one yet)

and this is just an introduction, i mean everyone makes themselves seem so inspirational and ready to pounce on a notebook and scribble down ideas for their own twilight series but the truth is: i’m an author and truthfully? i nearly never enjoy the actual process of writing, editing, organising and all that goodness — so? i just bit back, eat a couple of walker’s crisps and then try to fix my mistakes which normally ends on a note of a long netflix marathon. `

but, i am not always procrastinating— surprise, surprise. sometimes, i will actually write something good that doesn’t need editing and — praise the lord is that a miracle — save time! hey! go me!

ok dude but, like, have you ever written, like, an actual online novel?

i am proud to say that i have completed one online book on my quotev account but it was soon deleted because it was too cringey for 2019 me. it was a start though. but i will never forget the pain and agony i had to go through of editing those chapters. never.

non asterisk pain face here

but i am looking forward to completing one soon so, wish me the best of luck and i wish everyone the best of luck too! you’ll probably see my sneaking a round this website but hah, good luck trying to start a normal convo with me.