These idiots don’t know what crime is. They don’t know what it’s like to fend for yaself. They don’t know nothing.
“I was a homeless piece of crap. For real. My momma overdosed on ice when I was 11. Broken Pieces and me, we know what it’s like to be abandoned. Am I right, short-stuff?” Silence. One of these days, Imma get her stanky rear to talk. If it’s the last thing I do.
“Anyway, y’all, when ya homeless, desperate times call for desperate measures. By the time I was 13, I was pretty frickin’ good at stealin’ crap. By 16, I was amazing. I mean, flash some breast or some booty, and ya golden. I prostituted every once in a while, but that was only to get out of the dang cold, ya know?
“Anyhow, I hit up some major hot spots around. Got laid. Got high. Like higher than a kite.
“The only way to survive out in the real world is to work hard, and when that ain’t working, steal from the wealthy snobs. 18 and never got caught. Probably ‘cause I’d been doin’ it for 7 years.
“A couple months before yours truly turned 19, it was cold, so I went to my usual ****’s house, knocked on the door, and his new girl let me in.
“She’d just moved in, away from her uptight Amish community, and needed some pointers, ‘cause even though I wasn’t there all the time, I still made the most dough. So, I helped her out, which is what I do for all the virgins who come in while I’m there. But, this one, she just wouldn’t leave me alone.
“She never listened. She enjoyed getting smacked around. Which was against the rules. She made out with clients. Also, against the rules. It was weird. So, as expected, I was ecstatic when April rolled around.
“But, as I walked out the front door, there were cops. Everywhere. And that uptight, no good, Amish girl was the ringleader. I was arrested on the spot. As was the ****, the 4 other girls who lived there, and all the clients waiting for their turn.
“Technically, I should be mad she sold me out like that, but, in reality, prison isn’t that bad. You can score some nice stuff.”