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“Your heart has to keep breaking before it can fully be opened.”
My day started off pretty ordinarily, I woke up and went to my last day of school at “Enderson Hope High School” in the small town of Porter Hope. As usual, I walked home and gossiped with my best friend Ariel Atwood after school. Today Ariel was more talkative than ever because there was a party tonight and everyone was going, well everyone except me. Parties aren’t really my scene I prefer to stay home watch some Disney movies and listen to my parent’s joke about how I should get out more. My brother Pierce is the complete opposite of me, he loves to get out and this party would be no exception. It hadn’t even been thirty minutes since Pierce left for the party that my dad got the call to come pick him up because he was already wasted. My dad headed out and my mom and I waited patiently for their arrival, forty minutes passed and still no sign of them, the party was only two blocks away so it shouldn’t have taken them more than ten minutes to get back.
I started having this worry feeling in my stomach like something had gone wrong but my mom assured me that there was probably traffic or that dad got lost as it wouldn’t have been the first time. This was different he wasn’t just lost I felt it inside, something wasn’t right, and by this point an hour and half had gone by and I started seeing worry creeping upon my mom’s face. We both decided to turn the television on so we could check the news for any update on the party that could be causing the delay. What we saw was something that we never could’ve prepared for. “Deadly car crash kills father and son” that was the headline on the news the day we lost half our family in one night, I didn’t know what else to do other than burst out into tears holding on to my mom, my life would never be the same again. The pain, shock, and grief I felt in that moment was what I thought would be the worst thing I would ever have experience for the rest of my life, but that wasn’t the end it only opened a wider door for a new beginning. All the days that followed made me need someone to be there for me more than ever, Ariel was never around because she would never be caught dead in a sad event, but she made an effort to comfort me as best she could afterwards. As for my mom well, she was anywhere where they served alcohol. She wasn’t taking the death very well and I thought after a week or so she would be able to get back on her feet to take care of her last child but it only got worse. She was barely home and when she was she would leave in the late hours in the night and come back stoned. The alcohol and drugs didn’t just suppress my mother’s pain it changed her on the inside she became cold and detached, I don’t know what types of drugs she was taking but she had no feelings. My mom left again while I went to sleep and I thought she would back home like she usually did stumbling in the door with her straight dark brown hair in dishevels ready to fall asleep. This time when she walked in she was yelling for me to come down, “Tess get down here right now, why – why aren’t you listening to me?” she started getting louder so I decided to answer. “okay, I’m coming” I walked down the stairs to see what my mom wanted and I quickly learned that what she wanted wasn’t someone to tuck her into bed, she wanted someone to get her anger out on. The second I stepped off the last step she started going off on me about the most random things that never happened it was clear she had become delusional. It didn’t take more than five minutes for screams to turn into physical abuse. She caught me by surprise when she grabbed my arm and threw me to the floor. I couldn’t believe what she was trying to do me I started crying and yelling begging her to stop, it was as though she was numb to any maternal instincts even to a cry for help. “Stop, please stop, STOP why are you doing this I’m your daughter please this isn’t you, you don’t want me to remember you like this.” I weeped to her, and with that sentence she stopped, stepped back and realized what she was doing to me; to her only family. I figured this would be a lesson for her to sober up, but in order for her to cope with the shame of her actions she drowned herself in more alcohol hoping to forget all the pain she caused me and herself, she was an addict and she needed to stop or I was going to leave. I spent most of my days with Ariel and I left her family wondering why I was hanging around so much, I wasn’t ready to talk about it, letting people know who my mother became making her even more of a disgrace. I was ashamed, I didn’t want to bring all new trouble into my life. I woke up every morning hoping that someone would come into my life and show me enough trust to open up about my horrible home life and help me get my mother back. The Atwood’s started getting suspicious about me staying with them for so long which meant I had to pack up and go back home, who knew what was waiting for me when I walked into the door for the first time in two weeks since incident. The next morning I woke up, quietly packed my things and headed home. I opened the front door to my house and looked around for my mom but she was nowhere to be seen, she probably went out somewhere to drown her sorrows. After a few hours the door opened and someone stumbled in it was mom, the second she saw me she went off and beat me all over again for leaving her alone and making her worry more than she needed, this time all I did was cry I never asked her to stop I hoped she would do it by herself and she did. Once she finished I ran upstairs slammed the door behind me. I ripped my clothes off knowing that what I was going to see wasn’t the body I once loved, it was going to be a body completely covered in bruises and scars. I never thought my mother carried that much strength, but then again she was no longer the mother I once knew and loved.
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