The Secret Village Under the School

By @Books_and_Secrets
The Secret Village Under the School

A secret village of children with incredible powers.

Chapter 1

I was swinging on a metal swing set at the middle school. The sun was out and the sky was blue, no clouds in the crystal blue sky. I wanted to practice my skill. So I hummed to concentrate and closed my eyes. And I started to float straight up. Till about two feet off the ground. I hovered for a second and then I descended back to the ground. After I went on the ground sat criss-cross and started to hum. I closed my eyes. Little did I know that a fifth grader girl was going to try and kick me. Her name I later find out is Andraya. She was going to kick me then she started to float up. She got about a foot in the air , then she started screaming and I lost my concentration and she fell.

After, principal Perry came over and yelled: “ Did you do that?” I said, “ I didn’t mean to.” Now I was in trouble. Principal Perry is a mean woman. She has short, curly, brown hair and she always wears pantsuits. Then she brought me to her office. It was a medium sized room with tan walls. In the middle of the room there was a wooden desk and all around the room, there were file cabinets. She went over to her desk and went into a drawer. She brought out a strange puzzle. She said, “ Solve it and you can go.”

So I looked at the puzzle it was ancient. It was nothing I’ve ever seen before. It was shaped like a triangle. Some of the pieces were medium and some small. And the biggest one was a smaller triangle with an eye in the middle. All the pieces had lines on them like some sort of language. I tried to solve the puzzle. I knew where all the pieces went. I didn’t know why. Normally, I’m not very good at puzzles. But this one I got done in about five minutes. After I got it done I could read the puzzle it said: “ You have been chosen.” It was in a different language. And it glowed blue.

Meanwhile, another puzzle glowed down under the school in a village named Astrology. The girl named Asterin the oldest one there got the call. Asterin had black hair with blue eyes. She wore a trench coat, black shirt, black pants, and combat boots. Asterin said “ One of the lost people of Astroly has been found. ” Tristen asked, “ Where was it activated?” Tristen has blue hair. Asterin answered “ In Perry’s office above us. I’ll bring the person down here.” Tristen said, “ I should go with you.” She ordered, “ No, you need to take care of the people down here until I get back.” She said “ Okay. Go.”

Then back up in the school. I looked at it. It was unbelievable. I took the biggest piece and a medium piece out so Perry wouldn’t see it glowing. After a girl came out of the wall to the right of me. She said “ My name is Asterin. Are you the one that completed the puzzle?” Something in me told me, to tell the truth to Asterin. I said shakily “ Yes, Why have you come?” She asked, “ What is your skill?” I closed my eyes. She saw that the puzzle floated up and flipped over. All the pieces fell out of the puzzle. She said, “ Come with me.”

So I went with her. She went through a passageway in the wall. The passageway was dark and scary. There was a lantern on the wall, Asterin picked it up and lead me through the dark passageway. While we were walking. She said “ Sorry for the rush but Perry. Likes to capture me and people like us.” I asked, “ Who are you?” Asterin answered, “ I am the oldest of the survivors.” I thought that she was about fifteen years old. I asked, “ How old are you?” Asterin said “ I’m sixteen years old. Most of the survivors are less than fifteen years old. How old are you?” I answered, “ I’m fourteen years old.” She asked, “What’s your name?” I didn’t know if I should tell her but something made me. “ My name is Star,” I said quietly. Asterin confusedly asked, “ What is your name?” “My name is Star,” I said still quietly. Asterin said, “ Did you say Star?” I said, “Yes, that is my name.”

We went down lots of stairs that seem to go on forever. Then we stopped in the middle of the stairs and Asterin turned to the wall. She pushed a small button on the wall that was invisible if you didn’t look. It opened a secret passageway. We went in, the passageway had more light than the other way that we came. At the end of the hall, there was a door. She opened the door and the view took my breath away. It was amazing there was a whole village underneath the school. The village was big almost like a small city. The buildings were made out of stone and wood. The biggest building was a stadium. There was houses, a town hall, and three schools. There was an elementary school, middle school, and high school. There were people lots of people. They were all children under fifteen years old. I saw no grownups only children.

A girl came up she said “ Asterin, I’m so glad you’re okay. Oh, who is this?” Asterin said, “ Tristen meet Star our newest member.” The girl named Tristen said “ Hello, Star. This is your new home.” I said, “ Hi, Tristen and wait, what do you mean my new home?” Tristen answered “ Well you’re now part of the village. You have the gift. You need to train your powers like all the children of the village.” I gave her a sad look, “I want to stay here but what would my foster parents say. I said “ I’m sorry but I can’t. My foster parents would be mad if I don’t go home. I want to stay but I can’t.”

I turned to go back but Tristen thought “ She could go down here instead of school.” Could I, is she serious. I could tell that she was serious, I really don’t know why but I wasn’t going to rely on that only so I asked, “ Can I go here instead of school?” Tristen said “ You could, I guess. Wait, what gave you that idea?” I didn’t know what she meant she’s the one who said it. I said “ What do you mean? Didn’t you say it?” She said, “ No, but I did think it.” I said, “ So, I can hear people’s thoughts.” She said “ I guess. Try it. What am I thinking about?” Tristen thought “ Star.” I said, “ You are thinking Star.” She said “ Yes! Yes! I was. That is so really cool.”

I had to get going. I said “ I got to go but I will be here tomorrow for training. Okay. Bye.” They showed me how to get out. There was a door that leads back to the hall. At the end of the hall was a button that opened back to the stairs. I went up the dark stairs and at the top pushed the wall open. I went into the office. The puzzle was all over the floor and the good thing is that no one was there. I picked up the puzzle and put it back into her desk.

I wrote a note for Principal Perry. It said, “Dear, Principal Perry. I finished the puzzle but it did nothing but sit there. I got mad that I wasted my time on a puzzle, so I mind flung it. So, I put it in your desk and left for home. See you tomorrow. From, Star.

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  1. MCKapo

    I would really work on separating the dialogue, I had to reread this to find out who was talking.
    Also, after the she said, he said, she asked, then having the dialogue afterwards, every single time, is a little… it just doesn’t read well. And, it’s confusing. So, start a new paragraph when someone else is talking, or you start describing something new.

    Why is your MC taking everything so well? Isn’t she a little surprised by Asterin, or wondering why Perry gave her the puzzle? Where are the thoughts? Where’s the emotion showing us what everyone is feeling? Don’t tell me, SHOW me.

    Where are the adults? How are teenagers taking care of other teenagers and kids?
    How will she get away with training instead of going to school? Truant officers are a real thing, and parents, especially foster parents, would get in so much trouble with having a child miss consecutive school days. So, how are you going to get around this?

    So, what’s the deal with Perry? Why is she trying to capture kids with abilities? And, why did Star write a letter to the principal, that’s been mentioned to capture kids, that she MIND flung the puzzle and correctly completed the puzzle? That seems like a really…. Dumb thing to do?

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    Reply 1 Reply Mar 3, 2018
    1. EclipseCrescent

      I do believe that you’re trying to help these readers get better, but I’m pretty sure that they know what their flaws and stories are about. I post this comment for you to stop criticizing all of these amazing stories here on Underlined. And no, I am not a Underlined official.

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      Reply 0 Replies Jan 1, 2020

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