The Impossible Love

The start and end

The sun fights through the curtains and pools in the centre of the room. Knowledge scattered on the floor, words spilling out. Memories surround me. Glass glitters in the dark corners of the room. The sheets lay crumpled. The anger and hurt that was here is now but a distant memory.

I loved her. No I love her. I love her coal coloured hair. I love her inviting green eyes, I love the way her smile radiates joy like a warm summers day. I love how when she laughs she always snorts a little. I love her carefree, easy-going personality. I love the way her eyes light up like lanterns in the night sky as she tells me about the books she loves.

I feel trapped. I can’t breath when I’m with her but without her I feel as though I’m drowning. When she pulls me I feel her love is nothing more than an illusion but when she pushes me away I feel rejected. When I’m with her I feel as though I’m hiding behind a mask but without her I cease to exist. The thought of never feeling her touch frightens me, but the idea of her touch repulses me. Our love is bittersweet and I hate it but I can not live without it.

The distant memory of last night still haunts me in the daylight. Her words cut through me like a knife and she left me alone to bleed, blood of sorrow. She had always been to engulfed in her own pain and worries to hear me cries for help. She was blind when I need her to see me and save me. Last night we were both bewitched by the powerful drink we’d had. We could no longer hold back the dark demons of this relationship that haunted our every waking moment. The drink only pushed us further until we were finally engulfed by the dangerous flames of rage.