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Tales of David

By @Aj

Chapter 1 (Would like you to read and comment on areas for improvement)


“Did you hear? His highness, Gold Fior married the duchess after his previous wife’s death.” one said.

“Of Course, I did. The incident of the previous queen was just heartbreaking. She was assassinated, right? What will happen to his son, the prince now? According to the kingdom’s ritual, the father is supposed to kill his son before remarrying, so the father doesn’t have any ties to his family.” Another said.

“Poor child, I pity him.” replied the other.

It was the middle of the night. Gold Fior was running through the forest of the cursed witch holding an infant wrapped in a white cloth. He was a handsome man with blonde hair and Teal blue eyes. The infant too was a perfect imitation of his father minus the hair. He had silvery-white hair just like the queen and blue eyes like his father. The trees were beautiful but something about it was unsettling. The branches swayed towards them. This made the infant cry. He neared a welcoming, wooden cottage, but he knew better. This was the humble home of the cursed witch. One of the few alive mages who are capable of teleportation. He banged on her door.

“Who is it?” said the most crooked voice one can ever hear.

“It’s me, Estelle. I need your help, please.” said the king.

The door creaked opened and the horrendous looking woman appeared that caused shivers down his spine. She was the ideal witch with Small eyes and a large mole just below her lips in addition to that she also had skin that had a tint of green. Gold was in no position to complain. Normally,he’ll be disgusted at the idea of meeting her again but this was for his child.

“Welcome king. What can I do for you?”

“You know what I want Estelle.”

“Do I though? Aren’t you the person who made me flee even though I was not the one at fault?” She said as she pushed him away.

“I was young and foolish at that time. I have regretted this decision for the last two hundred years. You can take revenge but the child-my child is innocent. Do this for him. Do this for me” 

Sighing, she said, “If I do this, then you owe me a favor.”

He nodded his head. Gold walked inside the house and asked, “Where is it?”

Estelle motioned him to follow her. He went into the room and smiled for the first time that night. A swirling blue-black portal had been kept inside. He looked lovingly at his child. He thanked Estelle and finger by finger he went inside the portal. Before going in, he whispered,

“Thank you, Estelle, really.”


“I told you to give me a chocolate milkshake but instead returned empty-handed. What is the punishment for that I wonder.” Said a boy who looked around thirteen. He looked like a bully.

“I am so sorry!! Please don’t hit me!” another boy pleaded. He had silvery-white hair and Teal blue eyes.

“David, I don’t hit people, you understand!!” He roared. “Beat him up,” he said to his gang.

So much for not beating others. David tried to run but was caught by one of Jack’s lackeys, John. The other, Jose punched his face. “AHH!” He screamed. It’s painful, he thought. He wrestled free and tried to escape but was pinned down by Jose. John thrashed his stomach. Just because he didn’t bring Jack his shake. John kept on punching him. His face was swollen and dripping blood now.

“That’s enough for now. Do you understand what happens when you don’t do what I tell you to do?” Asked Jack.

David nodded his head and they left him. After he was sure they were out of sight, he broke into tears. Why? Why does this happen to me alone? Why can’t they find someone else? His head was filled with why’s. Eventually, when there were no tears to spare, he wiped his face and soon started walking towards his house. His house was bland with every wall painted white and black. His parents didn’t have a good artistic sense. He knocked at the door. His mother opened the door.

“Took you long enough. Some paint had fallen on the floor, clean it up.” She said,

“Yes, mom. My day was awesome.” He replied.

“I didn’t ask you.”

He sighed. He went into his room — its walls were painted a dark shade of blue with small white dots painted across the wall. It was a painting of the starry sky. This portrait was the only thing that eased his mind. He had a small futon which was rolled up with a study table and a shelf of books. He changed his uniform and went to clean the stained floor. The sight Only made him hate good parents more. There was a stain but it was not big. It was just a splotch of red paint. He picked up a cloth and wiped it off. He was being bullied in school and at home. What a wonderful life. He thought sarcastically.

“It’s all cleaned. You can come back now.” He said.

“Good.” She replied.

He went back to his bed and lied down. He closed his eyes and thought ” only if I was transported into another world.”

David woke up in the middle of the night and his eyes widened. It was dark. His bed disappeared. There was nothing in here. If there was a here. He didn’t know where he was anymore. He was not in his house. This didn’t seem like the US either. Just where was he?

In the darkness, he could make out a keyhole. But it was round. Above it, there was an inscription that said “only thou magic born shall open thy keyhole.” It was not written in English — which was the only language he knew but strangely he was able to read the given inscription. All of a sudden, he reached out his hand and pressed his index finger against the hole. When they met, the whole room was filled with blinding light. The door opened and he saw something spectacular. It was a whole new world — full of greenery, and animals. He was sure of one thing now, he was in another world.

He was excited as much as he was terrified. David didn’t have family or friends here — not that he had one earlier. David looked around. He was in front of a beautiful forest. The trees were all of different shapes and sizes.

“What are you doing?” someone asked.

“AHH!!!” He screamed.

The man had a huge build with biceps the size of his head. But unlike his monstrous body, he had a gentle voice and a kind smile.

“This is the cursed forest. It is rumored that an infamous witch lives here. All the trees over here are the corpse and souls of all the people who had gone out to hunt her. I am Mason by the way.” Said Mason.

“My name is David, nice to meet you, Mason. I do not live here, so I don’t know the places around here.” He said.

“Hmm…. Here take my map. It will help you. I am sorry, but I am going, bye!!” Mason waved his hand and went on his way. Hmm… There are three continents all together, and I am currently in Gondwanaland. If I travel East then I’ll reach the kingdom of Fior, the safest kingdom. I started traveling to Fior, not knowing that it would change my life.

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  1. Violet Lesso

    Feb 2, 2022

    I really enjoyed the chapter!!! I didn’t get bored with it, but I can say that more obvious personality for David would be nice. So far, he’s kind of bland and generic in my opinion. Also, when you end a quote, don’t put a period and then “Said So-and-so.” You would actually end the quote with a comma where you would put the period and then after the quotes, finish with “said So-and-so.”
    Also, you should reread your work, revise before you publish it. Some sentences are unclear and would make more sense if you specified who the subject was or added another word.
    All in all, it’s an intriguing story and I’m excited to see what you do with it!!!

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  2. Casey Chavez

    Sep 9, 2021

    I really enjoyed the story so far and im lookinf forward to reading more from youu. althought i think your writing could use improvements and more details could be added to lengthen the story. thank you for sharing your story with me.

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  3. Maria Goldman

    Sep 9, 2021

    Wow, I really like it so far, I can tell that a lot of thought was put in. Just when you’re writing, revise along the way and make sure you have the correct punctuation and things like end quotation marks when a character’s line ends. Otherwise, bravo1 🙂

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