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By @Madison
As afraid as I am
I do honestly answer every question that she asks.
The problem is
Nearly every truth is some variant of the exact same sentence:
“I don’t know.”
“No idea.”
“Ummm…”
I’m pretty sure the only way Izzy stays sane throughout the exchange
Is the help of her handy dandy wine glass
Which she refills at least three times
Without batting an eyelash,
Finally, she releases me from questioning
Though she makes me promise
To keep thinking about things
Options
Plans.
I swear that I will
And mean it wholeheartedly.
In the end
I take a shower
To wash away the day
Then return to the kitchen.
I do make myself a microwave dinner
Though I skip the reality show
And the two hour nap.
As Izzy reminded me
I have big responsibilities to attend to
So I take my frozen stir fry to my bedroom
To think everything through
Somewhere quiet.
As I eat
My cell phone stares up at me incriminatingly
Reminding me what step one
Should probably be.
It’s true that it takes two to tango.
Unfortunately, at this point in my life
Todd has been my one and only dance partner,
I’ve been dancing around him for weeks now
Knowing that
Should I close the distance between us
I’d be bound to step on his toes.
Once every bit of my dinner is gone
I decide that it’s finally time
For our grand finale.
After I’ve disposed of my garbage
I leave no time for further procrastination.
My hands shake ever so slightly
As I click the call button on Todd’s contact.
I try my best not to think of hanging up
And blaming a butt dial
While I wait for him to answer.
He picks up on the third ring
Making it clear that that’s no longer an option.
“Hello?”
I take a deep breath
Before putting on a brave face
That he can’t see.
“Hi, Todd.”
Though I can’t see his face
I can feel him lighting up.
I don’t mean a smoke, either.
“Hey, baby!” he exclaims.
I cringe at that second word
Suddenly hit by a terrible sense of guilt.
Maybe I’m too tired for this tonight.
Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow.
Oh, well.
There’s no going back now.
“Long time no talk,” he continues
As if that wasn’t obvious.
“We’ve got some catching up to do. So, you want me to come pick you up somewhere? We could go to the movies, or the park… or back to my place.”
Good God.
If Levi’s a deer
Todd is most definitely a rabbit.
Ha!
Bambi and Thumper.
What does that make me, then?
The skunk?
Focus, Candace.
“I’ll pass,” I say.
“I’m not feeling so great lately. Besides, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”
“Uh oh.”
His voice is muffled
As if he’s talking out of one side of his mouth.
Now he must be reaching for a cigarette.
“That’s never good. Last time somebody wanted to talk to me about something, my bro Billy had knocked his girlfriend up. You know Billy, yeah?”
Oh, God.
I’m about to have a stroke.
If I survive this phone call
I’ll make a point to Google how common strokes are
Amongst pregnant seventeen-year-olds.
Would there even be statistics for that sort of thing?
Probably not.
“Candace?”
******!
I got distracted again!
Even worse
Todd’s picking up on it.
“You still there?”
“Yeah,” I reply quickly.
“Good,” he says.
“I was starting to think I’d bored you to sleep. Now, you were telling me something?”
Okay.
It’s now or never,
With my newfound honesty in place
I let the truth come out.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth
Silence sets in.
I wait and wait for a reply
But get nothing.
Finally, I decide that I should be leading our breakup dance
So I make the next move.
“Todd? Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
Though his words are affirmative
His voice is anything but.
“I mean, I guess I should have seen it coming. You’ve been ignoring me for weeks. You wouldn’t even talk to me, let alone let me see you… I just don’t know why.”
My stomach sinks.
Apparently, I’ve reached my truth-telling quota for the day
Because I seem to be unable to expose the elephant in the room.
“It’s just time, I guess,” I tell him
Trying my best to keep my voice gentle and convincing.
“I’m just not happy anymore, Todd. And if I’m not happy, it’s only a matter of time before you aren’t, either. I don’t want to do that to you.”
He laughs a humorless laugh.
“Do you really think I’m happy now?”
I’m surprised by the edge in his voice
As he continues.
“Life isn’t a **** bed of roses, Candace. When you’re not happy with a relationship, you say something. You don’t just mope for weeks on end, then try to let me down easy.”
He pauses.
Just when I think he’s done, he starts again
His voice quieter now.
“If you aren’t happy, I can make you happy.”
His voice is so full of hope
It makes my chest hurt.
“Why can’t you just let me try?”
I can’t think of an answer to that
So I just sigh.
“Todd, I really have to go.”
He snorts.
“Yeah, obviously. Goodnight, Candace. Hope you’re less miserable now.”
I shake my head
Pulling the phone away from my ear.
When I go to hang up
I realize he already has.
The curtain falls
Concluding our disastrous dance.
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