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By @Madison
“So, DeLuca. Is that Italian?”
Levi and I have been seated at the table for half an hour.
So far
He’s made no attempt to further impregnate me
Nor leave me high and dry, on my own
Whilst awaiting Izzy’s return.
For now
All we do is discuss the rather basic facets of our lives
Whilst sharing the remainder of my candy.
This is either a new high for me
(Hey, at least it’s safe!)
Or rather low.
(Jesus, I’m no fun anymore!)
Regardless
Here I am
Questioning Levi about the origins of his last name.
He doesn’t seem to mind this.
”It is,” he answers.
”My grandparents are Italian immigrants.”
”Cool,” I reply.
”All I know about my ancestry is that I’m French and maybe a wee bit Irish. Do you speak any Italian?”
”A little,” he says.
”But it’s pretty clumsy, I’ll admit. If I ever used too much of it in front of my Grandma, she’d probably slap me.”
Ouch.
Figure of speech or not
The turn our conversation just took
Stings a little.
I remind myself that Levi knows nothing about where I came from
As he continues speaking.
”I might sign myself up to learn some more next semester, though,” he says.
”I hear language classes can be very lucrative.”
Oh yeah
That’s another thing I’ve learned about Levi in the past half hour.
For him, “school” isn’t high school
But college
That oh-so-elusive luxury of education
That I’ll likely never reach now.
Vanessa never ended up there, either.
Leaving her career choices as a teen mother
Limited to the likes of drive-thrus and check out lines.
I try to steer my thoughts away from her
Back towards Levi.
Though he’s not raising a child on his own
Check out lines seem to be doing him just fine
Until he finishes his education
And moves out towards the bigger pastures
Of achieving his dreams.
Not that I know what those are.
That’s much too serious of a question for me to ask him right now.
Instead, I smile
Continue to indulge him in a conversation about the Italian language.
”You should take a class,” I tell him.
”Then you could translate books and stuff. Or be a diplomat.”
He grins.
”Maybe I will.”
He pauses to reach across the table
And reach into my box of Skittles
Looking me in the eye all the while.
Once he has a handful of bright colored dots
He decides to ask me one of the soul-searching questions
I’ve been trying to avoid.
”And what do you want to be, Candace?”
I freeze
Racking my brain for a somewhat decent answer.
What do I want to be?
A mother?
Probably not.
(Or maybe so.)
A student?
Yeah, that may be it
But school doesn’t last forever
And what the hell would I want to study, anyhow?
I can’t think of any subject off the top of my head
That really interests me
Or even that I’m notably good at.
In fact
The most appealing thing about the idea
Might be the fact that it’s so different
From the track I’m on now.
I search
Digging as deep as I can
Looking for a response I can give
That contains even an inkling of truth.
What are my dreams?
What do I want?
I can’t tell him
Or even myself
Before I hear the telltale sound of the garage door opening.
Levi stares at me
With frightened baby deer eyes.
I force a smile
Waving it off.
”My aunt,” I explain.
”Oh.”
He glances back toward the door nervously.
”Suppose I should dash, then.”
He stands up
Heads for the exit
Much too quickly for my liking.
In a bit of a panic
I do exactly what I know I shouldn’t.
”Levi!” I call out to him.
Hand on the doorknob
He turns around.
”Yeah?”
My cheeks burn
As I prepare to ask him
The most pathetic question of all.
Is this what blushing feels like?
If so, I hate it.
”Will you wish me luck?”
He smiles
So kind
I want to cry.
”Of course.”
With that
He lifts his hand to his head in a two-finger salute
Just like he did the first time we really talked.
”Good luck, Candace Noble,” he says.
”Godspeed.”
Then he vanishes
Headed for the silver car in the driveway
Leaving me alone
To try to face the music
And retrieve my truths.
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