Sweet as Candy: A Novel in Verse

Maybe

In the blink of an eye

A whole week passes

And weighing out my options

Seems to have quickly turned into procrastination.

I’m not quite sure what it is

But some force prevents me

From taking the plunge and doing something.

Maybe it’s fear

Of making the wrong decision

Of what the consequences may be

Of the pain that may follow.

Maybe it’s shame

In the way I almost call the clinic

But freeze when I hear Izzy outside the bedroom door

On the phone with a client.

In the way I wake up every morning

Hoping it was all an insanely long nightmare.

In the way I feel the blood drain from my face

When I walk past pregnant women in the store

Unable to tear my eyes away from their bulging bellies.

Maybe it’s regret

For sleeping with Todd so many times

Just looking to feel something.

For never asking him about protection

In my desperation for a seemingly foolproof escape

As long as I planned it around when I thought it would be alright.

For not having gone the day after I took the test

So I wouldn’t have to be thinking about it right now.

Whatever the case

I should definitely woman up and do something soon.

Procrastinating does nothing but make me sicker

Giving me all the more time to worry about it.

Now

I decide that I’ll set up an appointment next week.

Besides, with my birthday being this week

I may be able to dodge the parental guardian dilemma

Considering I’ll be seventeen.

Yeah, this wasn’t what I expected my freedom to mean when Alex and I discussed it a few weeks back

But the thought is most definitely a relief.

On the last night of my sixteenth year

I try to smile away the tears that are threatening to break thought the dam I built up over the past week.

As Alex had promised, my liberation will come very soon.

Just you wait.