The side effects to loneliness.
FLASHBACK to my birthday, that passed away and i was officially older, i was sitting alone in my room, i actually had cake last night with my family, and also had a great night out, with my family.
Of course my notifications were flooded with birthday wishes and of course i had to thank them back.
I was feeling alone, and a bit isolated, even though it was a very special day, but i had all the fun last night,
this evening was turning into a night mare.
Eventually i checked my phone, and i had a message from my bestfriend, let me say ex-bestfriend, ’cause she left me alone in this school with a thousand children i hate.
It was just a birthday wish, and long letter i didn’t even read ’cause, it no longer matters.
I just replied with a thanks and she saw the message but didn’t continue the conversation.
Time passed, and kept on passing, at last it was night time, i often wander out at nights,
so i thought why not tonight? i asked my sister if she wanted to join me, but she refused and said she was busy studying i also asked my brother, but he refused too. So there i went, i jumped down my balcony and went out ’cause my mom would never let me go out at nights.
I went out and felt the breeze of the night.
That breeze of the night,
i felt it on my skin
and it caused me to grin.
as i walked by i saw many dark trees
tall and free
they could put their hands up whenever they wanted to
unlike me, who is trapped
trapped within her own house.
As i walked by i also saw a cat,
a black cat, passing my way,
people say that black cats are bad luck.
But i believe that nothing is bad, unless we see it that way.
It was a wild black night,
again the wind blew
and touched my skin,
whenever i took a breath in
i could feel that breeze on my skin
causing me to grin and again.
After a while, i went home and again sat on my bed and began writing my thoughts and other random ****.
I was so trapped in the world inside me, it seemed like in the real world i was just so faded. It seemed like this real world was just an illusion for me.
I began writing and i was feeling like i was lost in my writings, that monster, which was inside me had gone totally wild.
I was so possessed by that inner me that i couldn’t help but write, and cry at the same time. I didn’t want to be trapped in this world of depression, i wanted to collapse these walls of depression and step into the happier me, i knew deep down it was somewhere, locked in a cell, and trapped within these walls.
I stopped, i stopped writing, i stopped crying, and then my mind went wild. Thoughts began running wild, my mind was flooded with ****** thoughts, i couldn’t help it, it was like, that ghost with in me, came to life.
I was so faded that it seemed like i would wipe within the dust and never come back.
I really wanted to free myself from these walls, i wanted to get out of these traps, i no more wanted to stay within these walls of depression.
Again and again, my mind killed me, it was like, i was a slave of my own mind, i couldn’t control my thoughts and they just ran outta hand and went on wild,
I was sitting at a corner of my bed, with my head down and eyes, watery and red.
I missed my bestfriend, who left me.
I missed my soulmate, who was so far away.
I missed my other sister, who got married and forgot i existed.
I missed my sister, who got so carried away by her studies and friends.
I missed my brother, who is always busy with his future.
I missed my mother, who used to trust me, who used to love me.
I missed my father…. who was turning old…
I MISSED MY PAST LIFE, I WANTED TO TEAR THESE WALLS APART AND NEVER COME OUT OF THE PAST, MY PRESENT WAS KILLING ME, I HAD NO ONE BY MY SIDE AND IT SEEMED LIKE THAT MONSTER WITHIN ME WAS STABBING ME EVERY BLOODY SECOND.
The past, it kept on tapping on my shoulder again and again
i kept on denying listening to it,
but it just kept on forcing me to see it again and again.
The thought that noone was by my side
But who knew… this was the time i was making myself stronger.