Starfall

Not Ken, But Barbie

I’m sitting on the floor of my studio, back against the pole. My legs are trembling. ‘This is it. I’m going to tell them.’ I say in my head. I get up off of the floor, using the pole to help me. I grab my phone and open up Discord. “Hey Will, can you and Al come to my studio? I wanna film a TikTok.” I type and send. Before I can put my phone back down, it receives a notification. “On our way!” Will replies.

I set up the song “barbie&ken” by Kate Gill on my TikTok and put my phone on my recording set-up. There’s a knock on the door. “Come in!” I call. I turn around and watch as the door opens. Will and Alex walk in. “So, what crazy dance are we doing?” Will teases. “Do I need to go get my dancing shoes?” Alex adds jokingly.

“Actually, I wanted to show you this really cute audio.” I reply, laughing. “Okay.” Will says, smiling. We move in-front of my phone. I unlock my phone and open up TikTok. “Guys, I’ll just be filming your reactions to this. So, just act natural, okay?” I ask. They both nod. I turn on the timer so I can get into position. “No turning back now.” I mouth silently.

We all stand there, listening. I stay neutral. Alex smiles knowingly at Will, who returns the smile. “But what if not’s Ken, but Barbie?” I mouth in time with the song. “She shouldn’t have to say to say sorry.” they mouth in time. Tears sting my eyes and my jaw drops. “You know this?” I ask. Will nods. “We heard someone play it once.” Alex replies.

More tears start to fall. I try to wipe them away. Alex and Will hug me. “Not to anyone, anyone, anyone.” we all say in time with the song. We watch it back together before I start adding subtitles. I add a short description, a few hashtags and tag Alex and Will’s TikTok accounts before posting. “There, it’s uploaded.” I say. We go and watch The Office in the living room. Within an hour, I had thousands of views, likes and questions. “Hey guys, wanna help me do a stream?” I ask. “Sure.” Will replies and Alex nods. We head to my room and I start streaming on Twitch.

“So, what do you guys think about me being, y’know…” I trail off. Alex prompts me to finish my sentence. “Lesbian?” I finish. “I think it’s great that you feel like, able to come out to us.” Will answers. “Yeah and you could like, inspire so many people to come out to their families.” Alex adds. “You really think so?” I ask. They both nod. I look over at the chat. They agree with Alex and Will. “Thanks guys.” I say, smiling.