Scars and Constellations

By @grey_and_okay

Scars and Constellations

By @grey_and_okay

I could use some feedback on this story I'm trying to write. Be as nice or awful as you want. That's what I'm here for. :) have fun

Chapter 1

One

It was all so dark. Everything and nothing had been shrouded in a suffocating black. An empty expanse of space seemed to extend for infinity, letting only tiny flickers of lights through for barely a moment, before they were snuffed out again and disappeared into the void. The only light for billions of miles was the dim glow emitting from the cabin of a small escape craft.

Jax Bell sat in the craft’s single seat, drifting in and out of the foggy haze of sleep that felt more like just a sorry extension of his time in the universe. He knew there was no way to possibly survive this. That was one of the only things he knew. He didn’t know anything about his life before he woke up in that ship, frightened, panicking, and running out of fuel. But he had been there long enough (Days? Weeks?) to know that there was no use wasting his energy trying to find a way out of there.

The ship had only enough room for one person and a small amount of storage, dim yellowish lights, and dull silvery metal surrounding Jax on all sides. He somehow knew that he was never claustrophobic, but every second he spent in that ship, it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He sighed, shifting under the light blanket that did barely anything against the cold. His curly brown hair, cropped close on the sides and back but allowed to grow on the front and top, flopped over his brow. He was too exhausted to do anything about it. Jax wondered why he couldn’t remember anything, why he was in this ship in the middle of nowhere, and why his fingers would tap an unfamiliar rhythm when he allowed his mind to wander. But there he was, cloaked in the remnants of shadows cast by distant stars and the dim cockpit lights, shivering. He was there and there was nothing else he could do about it. As he was drifting away, he heard a faint noise. A beeping coming from his monitor. Jax tried to sit up, heart pounding, but his muscles wouldn’t respond. The beeping suddenly stopped, filling the cockpit with silence again. 

Why is everything brighter? He wondered, but then looked up in time to see the source. Painfully brilliant lights shone down at him from a shape overhead. He had no time to think before the small craft shuddered then began to move begrudgingly towards the belly of the larger shape that Jax could now make out. It was the hull of another ship, only slightly larger and painted blue and gold with a long body and two fins in the back flanking a central engine that glowed with fiery blue energy. A panel on the hull of the larger ship slid open, revealing a small cargo hold. As the pod entered the other ship and the panel slid shut, sealing the small craft inside, Jax felt dizziness overtake him, feeling every muscle in his body fail to make him sit up. As the hatch to the pod opened with a menacing hiss, Jax felt the world began to go black again. The last thing he saw before it overtook him was the face of a boy with long blond hair tied in a loose knot at the back of his head and concerned green eyes. Then, Jax succumbed to the darkness.

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  1. Abby_7

    hi grey I think that your chapter is truly amazing really deep and interesting well I don’t write that much fiction so I don’t have much experience but I love to read it so just wanted to say keep it simple try not to use very fancy words I think that then the readers will understand it much better also many people would not really understand what you are trying to tell so I say don’t do so much extra just keep it simple and crisp

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    Reply 1 Reply Jul 7, 2020
    1. grey_and_okay

      Wow, thanks for the feedback. I’m glad that you thought that highly of it. That made my day. I’ll try to keep it simple from now on 🙂

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