Chapter 9 - The Blame Game
My chest tightens, constricting in my shaking body like a vice.
My eyes swim in a sea of tears, my body convulsing in thick shakes that rattle my core.
They place me down on a gurney, holding my shoulders and legs down as I try to get away, fear overwhelming my senses.
My vision starts to spot due to the lack of proper oxygen flowing into my lungs from crying so much.
I cry out in pain as a thin needle is inserted into my left arm, my muscles tensing in alarm.
Someone grabs my chin, bringing me to look at them, trying to distract me form what’s going on around me.
“Look at me,” The nurse commands, their dark eyes staring right back at mine. “You’re fine, okay? You’re fine. Just breathe”
I let out a loud sob, fighting to get oxygen into my lungs as waves of panic crash over me.
She puts a hand under my head while we enter the elevator to a new floor, forcing me to look at her.
“What’s your name?” She asks quickly, making up any sort of question to get me engaged, and see if she can reel me back in.
I close my eyes in response, not finding it in me to answer her stupid question.
I try to control my breathing, desperately trying to space out entirely to box out her pestering questions and the sounds of the moving gurney and busy hospital around me.
“Hey, listen to me.” I hear the nurse command again, trying to get me to respond to her. “You need to at least respond so they don’t transfer you, okay?”
I ignore her, quiet tears escaping my eyes as I block out the world, the only thing I hear the mumbles of the hospital staff around me and them placing me somewhere else and pinching and prodding me with their devices.
“Sagen,” A voice whispers, making me snap my eyes open.
“Don’t call me that.” I hiss, my words laced with venom.
“You’re Sagen, right? Or do you prefer Sage, I’m not sure.” The doctor says again calmly, as if testing the waters.
I turn over, my nails dig into my palms, drawing specks of blood.
I have to get out of here.
My mind drifts to where I was before, the memories of the violent ocean and news about my parents clouding my mind, fogging up my vision.
I exhale slowly, my eyes dropping with the pain I feel in my heart, the emptiness I feel inside of me slowly becoming unbearable.
I run into a restless sleep, slipping slowly as I fall into it, drowning out the voices beside me.
We all sit quietly in the car as Rivers drives, the absence of Sage’s presence straining our already bad moods.
Guilt runs through my veins, taking its long course.
Holly scowls to herself, anger the only apparent expression on her face.
“What the ******* She shakes her head, drawing attention to her. “I can’t believe we really just put her in there.”
“Yeah, well.” Rivers comments, his words drifting into nothing.
My phone rings from under me, the ringing the only sound that covers the silence in the car.
“Hello?” I ask dully, leaning my head against the car window.
“Canyon?” A small voice asks, her accent thick as her voice coneys worry. “It’s me, Willow.”
I let out a shaky breath, not ready to explain what had just happened to someone so dear to her she considered her as a sister.
“Have you heard from Sage? I’ve been trying to reach her for a while, but she’s not answering and I’m starting to get worr-”
I sigh, my heart aching at the mention of her.
“Willow, stop.” I silence her, moving my eyes around to keep the tears from falling down my face. “We had her admitted.”
“You what?” She yells into her phone, making me pull mine away from my face slightly. “What the **** do you mean, you admitted her? Into what, a ******* mental hospital? What about her sisters!”
“Willow, it needed to be done. She almost,” I mutter, cursing myself for not being able to finish my own **** sentence.
“She almost what, Canyon?” She nearly growls, the shock getting to her.
“I’m sure you can guess, Willow.” I bicker back, almost offended by the tone she’s using.
“So what happened if she ‘almost’ tried to kill herself, Can. Tell me.” She encourages, clearly irritated.
“She was having an anxiety attack after hearing the news about her mom, and she ended up running to the rocks in the middle of a ******* storm, and when Clover found her, she was pretty close to the edge, so he thought–”
“He thought?!” She exclaims, enraged. “You can’t just claim someone’s going to kill themselves when all they’re doing is standing on a ******* terrain of rocks, Canyon! I mean, what the **** is wrong with you? Did you even ask her what was going on? How she felt?”
“Shut up, Willow. You don’t even know what happened.”
“Oh, really? Well where I’m from, we don’t just lock people up in a ******* mental hospital for having a breakdown which, in her defence, was in her every right to do so regarding what she and her family have been going through!”
“Well, excuse us for being precautions after what had happened this spring!” I yell back, gaining the attention of the other passengers in the car.
“Yeah, it happened, Canyon. But you don’t even know the reason behind it, why she did it! None of you ******* do!” She retaliates, using her amiability with Sage as an advantage.
I clench my jaw, rolling my shoulders to keep them from tensing up in stress and anger.
She huffs, her voice clenched in the back of her throat. “If I was there, this wouldn’t even had happened.”
“Yeah, but you’re not!” I scream into the phone, my frustration getting the best of me. “You’re not here, and I am–we are, not you! Her sisters don’t even know yet for God’s sake, and they’re probably going to be told by the ******* Dean.”
She inhales sharply, as if she’s struggling to maintain her composure. “This isn’t about us, Canyon. It’s about Sage.”
I scoff, fed up with her ********.
“**** off, Willow. I’ve known you long enough to know that no one can take control of a situation with her beside you or without your consent. So yeah, this is about us.”
She pauses, as if to calm herself. “I was calling her to say I’m taking a flight tonight, and should be arriving sometime tomorrow. My parents agreed to let me go back to school a couple of months early. They’re also talking to her social worker to see if they can get Guardianship over her and Rory and Ronnie. It was going to be a surprise.” She mumbles, her words dampening my mood.
I sigh, my eyes tearing up once again. “We’re really worried about her, Willow. She wasn’t talking to us, and we didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I mean, we really thought she was going to do it.”
“I know,” She responds, her own voice laced with a thick tremble. “It’s okay. I’ll be there soon.”
The line clicks dead, leaving me to my thoughts and friends’ stares.