Chapter 7 - Numb
I slam the door behind me, my nails digging into my palms as my body shakes, trembling viciously with an unspoken force.
My vision blurs as I grab onto the corner of my desk, a loud sob ripping its way from out of my throat, followed by a round of hiccups.
I walk around blindly, gut wrenching sobs escaping past my lips as I try to catch my breath, willing the pain to go away.
The doorknob jangles, the inaudible words from a familiar voice going over my head.
My hands push against my head as I throw myself down onto the floor, sucking in heaps of air between my cries; the pain or whatever I’m feeling unbearably suffocating me.
I scurry to the toilet, emptying my stomach into the wooden surface, dry heaving as my body continues to shake, my sanity unraveling as I lay down onto the cold tiles, staring up at the grey ceiling, curling up into a ball
My muscles ache with my tense movements, a sense of emptiness coursing through my veins as I choke on my tears, willing the eternal pain to go away–to just,
My door heaves open with a loud sigh, following by a pattern of heavy footsteps, causing me to close my eyes as a wave of sobs wash over me, drowning me.
Someone gasps, and I can feel them hover over me as another person crouches down next to me, lifting my head and putting it onto their lap, whispering soft coos to me as if I’m a small child.
I open my bloodshot eyes, looking up to see Lilac before shutting them again, a sound of pain and extinguish coming from my lips, my head pounding with the ferocity of a thousand mountains.
“Oh, Sage.” Lilac soft voice whispers, stroking a hand over my tear stained face, her own voice choking up as well.
“I can’t,” I cry, my voice shattering. “I can’t, Lilac, I can’t”
“Shh,” she whispers as I hear Holly make a call to someone on the phone before hanging up and coming back to sit next to me, not having said a word.
“H-he’s ’gonna hurt me again, Lilac. Please h-he can’t—”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She tries to reassure me, but I can hear the painstaking fear in her voice as she tries to keep it at bay in hopes of not getting me more worked up. “You won’t have to see him, okay? I promise you.”
I cough, hiccuping in response to my body trying to get enough oxygen to supply my cries.
Someone knocks at the door, making me flinch.
“It’s the boys and Rue.” Holly whispers, getting up to answer the door.
“No,” I cry out, grabbing her ankle with my trembling hand, stopping her in her tracks.
My throat tightens, bringing back the words that I try so desperately to get out.
“Sage, come on, they can help.” Holly pleads, stepping backwards to the door.
Lilac kicks the bathroom door closed, locking it with a loud click.
“Hey, look at me,” She lifts my chin up to meet her gaze, my teeth chattering. “No one can ever hurt you again, Sage. No one. I don’t know why or how this is coming up now, but you will get through it. I promise you, okay? I promise you.”
I nod my head, shakily sitting up from the tiled floor.
“I-I need to go.” I stand up, my knees buckling, stumbling slightly into Lilac arms. “I can’t do this.”
“Where are you going?”
My head pounds, my eyes glazing over. “The rocks.”
I shove the bathroom door open with little force, not meeting anybody’s face as I exit my dorm room, my heart sinking into my stomach.
“Sage,” someone calls from behind me, but I continue walking, picking up my pace.
I’m outside now, sprinting as my lungs collapse in on each other, feeling everything but nothing at all at the same time.
I climb onto the rocks, pushing at my eyes as the world tilts to the side before coming back into focus, spinning in vicious circles that make me topple to the ground.
“I need it to stop.” I cry to myself, my feet hanging off the tall rock, leading down towards a row of boulders scaled with sharp barnacles, curving into a sand-less ocean.
I stand up, my legs quivering from adrenaline as I look over the edge, my breath calming in the nights’ storm.
The rain pours from the sky, pounding against the rocks with an ever ending force that almost sounds like rough footsteps, causing my feet to glide slightly, pushing me closer to the edge.
A hard arm swings around my waist, yanking me towards them, causing me to gasp as we hit the ground.
“Sagen.” Clover gasps, holding me tightly as we catch our breath, winded by the fall. “Stop. No, not again.” He pleads, standing up while holding onto my arms as I try to push him away.
I see Canyon, Everest, and Rivers running towards us with a large jacket, the girls watching in the distance by the front of the door.
“Let me go.” I struggle, fighting against his strong grip, but when he doesn’t, I snap. “Let me go” I scream, growling slightly as the boys run up to us, trying to find a way to take care of me.
God, I’m so ******* done with being thought of as someone who needs to be taken care of.
“Come on,” Canyon whispers, slipping a grey fleece over my head, lifting me into his arms as I continue to fight, the emptiness in my heart dampening into my veins.
I sigh slowly, leaning into his shoulder, something inside me clicking.
Nothing matters anymore at this point, so what’s the point of trying.
I can’t escape my father, I can’t escape my friends, and I can’t even manage to escape my own life.