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Poetry: College

By @BizTheUnicorn


On my back and on my shoulders

Is the weight of a child

She is the size that a coffin should never be

Her eyes closed, peaceful

Her face set in a smile

I could walk for months and miles

Pretending that, because I’m used to the weight, I don’t feel it

But I do

She is in every step

Making the footprints a little deeper

So unnoticeable

The child that is not seen and not heard

She haunts my every word

Her ghost, her corpse

I am tired of morning her

Yet I am still not done mourning her

One word, one memory

And waves of grief follow

Leaking from my eyes

Desperate to get out

But my head is a dam

That cannot burst

It has carried her

Weight for too long

To break now

Little by little,

It comes out

Wave after wave,

I fade

What point is there in carrying around a corpse?

Yet I am still not ready

To lay her to rest.

Her spirit is in me

And it has not been appeased

Who knows how much therapy

Or how much grief

Possibly could

And possibly, it is not my destiny to appease her

But to carry her to the other side when the time comes

Perhaps, by then, I will reach acceptance

Carry her with pride and conviction

And you will no longer see her in my footprints

You will see her everywhere

But she will not weigh me down

She will propel me forward.

Perhaps grief dies when the grieved die

After all, weight doesn’t go away

It simply gets easier to carry

She is not me

Yet I grieve her like she is

I never met her

Yet I grieve her like I did

In truth, if she had lived

Who would that make me?

She is the life I never lived

Time of death, unknown

Place of death, unknown

Name? Unknown

But perhaps she is called


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