Outgrown Love

By @FreyaTheGreat

Outgrown Love

By @FreyaTheGreat

Chapter 1

She looked from her list up towards the button and then glanced at his face, which mirrored the stress she felt. The report had made her angry, which was not surprising considering that number eight of her listed mistakes was “being bad at taking criticism”. But behind her anger different feelings were hiding. She felt somewhat ashamed and exposed. This report told her her wrongdoings, the reasons for them sitting here. She also felt guilt. She could have done better. She could have tried harder. But now, as she was presented the chance to fix her mistakes, to be better, she could not help but be hesitant. She felt unable to press the button. Was this really what she wanted? Would it even work? They would start all over again. She would be young again, with long shiny hair and no aches in her knees when she got up from a chair. But she also would not have her life. The past thirty years of working towards her goals, of becoming successful and wealthy would be deleted. But maybe a life with less success, wealth, wisdom, would be what their marriage needed. He cleared his throat, which ripped her from her train of thought. He looked at her uneasily. “What do you think?” Silence. “I don’t know,” was the only truthful answer she could give at this moment. He appeared almost relieved. “Me neither,” was his response and he tried to form a smile. “At least now we can discuss it and decide, without one of us trying to convince the other of something.” she automatically knew that being pessimistic was not listed in his fault report. Of course, she had not seen his report, and she surely did not want to, but after spending almost half of her life with him she believes she has a good idea of what is mentioned. His always seining the best in things did not contribute to the ruin of their relationship. “But should it not be easy?”, she asked out loud. “Should we not immediately jump for this button? Every novel I ever read has told me that love is the most important thing. The only thing that is worth fighting for. The only thing that conquers all. And yet, neither of us feels like it’s the right choice.” “I did not say it is not the right choice.” “If you thought it was the right choice you would know what to do.” He was taken back. she believed she hurt him with her bluntness. But by glancing at her report and not seeing this listed as one of her mistakes, she felt a quick relief. This one must be on him. Nevertheless, the guilt rushed back when she saw the tears in his eyes as he mumbled with a hoarse voice “So we are not going to press the button.” “So you do want to press the button! Be honest with me.” “I DON´T KNOW WHAT I WANT.” Both fell back into silence and their thoughts. If she only knew how it would be! Why is there no test trial? Humanity was able to turn back the clocks for them but could not give them a sort of simulation, or at least a rough description of how it would be? There was no one who she could ask about how it is. To have something to do, she picked up the brochure that laid on the table. She knew what it would tell her but maybe she could find some resolution in its whitewashed sentences. Maybe reading the advertisement would give her a feeling of affection, or repellent, to receive some clarity. She superficially scanned the text, but the happy notion that one could relive life´s most precious gift, a relationship, and work out its kinks on Planet B, left her in the same state she was before. She noticed that he was watching her. “I just do not want to lose everything we have,” she suddenly sight. She had to take a moment and observe what she had just said but she concluded that it was the truth. “We worked all our lives to get where we are. If we start over again who knows what we get?” “I see what you mean. The question is if it is worth to risk all that to save what we have lost.” It should be, she thinks to herself, but it had dimmed on her that it maybe was not. But she could never just say that! “And if it does not work? They never give you a guarantee, do they? We just think that it will work.” “Well, we would have to work for it. No one says it´s going to be easy but we now know what we did that… well… hurt our relationship.” His last stutter makes her look at him. She knows how difficult it is to address the whole thing. Telling your partner that you were not happy anymore is not easy. A reason why they were living like this for such a long time was that neither of them just said that they were unhappy. She, for her part, never did it because she did not want to hurt him. They had lived through so much. He meant so much to her. She loves him, still. But maybe love is not always enough. A part of her also knew that she was simply scared of what would happen if she opened her mouth. She had dreaded this situation for years. She loved him. She was happy about the time they had to spend together. She feared a future without him. She lowered her gaze from his face, onto the button, and back to her report. She really would have to work hard if she wanted to fix herself for the sake of this relationship. The list appeared so long. So many things wrong with her. How was she supposed to manage? “I do not want to force you to anything,” he said, a little hurt by the tear that rolled over her face. “I just do not want to mess up again.” “It was not only you. It was the two of us.” “But how are we supposed to change? This,” she gestured to the reports, “is just so much! I mean, how am I supposed to be just more adventurous and less stubborn? I always knew that these were not my strong suits and I still did not change them” “That´s what your report says?”, was his first reaction. “Just imagine you not being stubborn! That would be so odd!” “I know! That’s just how I am! I cannot simply change it. And this is only one thing. They gave us a whole list of these!” “I think I actually like your stubbornness. I mean, yeah it drives me crazy, but on our second date you insisted on going for a walk, even though it was obvious that a storm was rolling in.” “It was just some rain. And we had a great time.” “We did. And I remember thinking that you were someone that would not scare away from contradicting me and getting me out of my comfort zone.” They both indulged in that past feeling of happiness. “But apparently it’s a problem now.” she said and took both back to reality. “Well, I guess it can be kind of agitating when you always have to argue… But it is part of you!” “It is part of me, and I cannot change that. I do not want to change that!” She suddenly had an epiphany and their conversation finally gave her the clarity she needed to say what unconsciously had bothered her. “I would not only lose everything I have done in the last years. I would also lose myself! And so would you! We cannot just change everything. This is not who we are.” He did not appear to disagree, but he also did not appear to be satisfied. “So we are just not made for one another? Is that your conclusion? We spend years together just to realize that our personalities don´t match?” “Things have changed. Our personalities just do not match anymore… But I still love you.” “I love you too.” A sad smile hushes over his face. “So we know what to do.”

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  1. AvaWrites

    Beautifully written!!! 😀

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    1. FreyaTheGreat

      Thank you! 🙂

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  2. ldsdotter

    I’m guessing they are dead or old and they are getting a second chance to go to another planet and be perfect basically??? Poor people. Nobody should be forced to make a decision like that.

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    1. FreyaTheGreat

      Hi you, thanks for your comment. I love it to see how people interpret this. My original idea was to have an older couple that needs to decide if they want to go separate ways or relive their lives and relationship and try to fix everything they did wrong, so they would never want a divorce later on.

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