My Third Something: One poem

Round and Round

My mind is out of control

It’s going crazy

Like Eagles fans on February 4th, 2018

But this isn’t like that

No, much different

Not that happy

This is torture

A path I tried to take

That never led me to my destination

It led me down another path, then another

Then another

Round and round of endless thoughts

Is my skirt short enough?

Is my body skinny enough?

Is my hair neat enough?

Are these shoes cool enough?

What should I say?

Does that sound too dumb?

Am I too dumb?

Do they really like me?

Am I good enough?

Why am I not good enough?

The thoughts never stop

They are an endless storm

Of things I’m supposed to be

Of things that I need to be

To prove myself worthy

But

I’ll never have the right hair

I’ll never have the right outfit

I’ll never have the right thing to say

I’ll never fit in with them

I’ll never be someone else

Someone different

Than me

The thoughts will never stop

I’ll never get off this endless path

I’ll never stop hating myself

For not being perfect

But there will always be that small light in the darkness

That remembers who I am

That is the real me

And while there will always be more darkness than light

At least you can always see

Even the smallest bit of light in the dark

No matter how far away you are

Because I’m always going round and round

And back and forth

But every now and then

I’ll remember to turn around

And look at the little light behind me

To see the real

Me