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Missing You

By @Shy

Inside your house, your body lies,

A bullet in your heart, to our surprise.

We notice a pistol, lying by your side,

We think of the things we wish we could have tried.

Your house is filled with our silent cries,

They take you away while we stand by.

Your mother’s eyes filled with tears,

As a memory of you appears.

All the signs we had missed,

The small scars on your wrist.

The signs of depression,

Giving away your most prized possession.

I remember soccer, it was always a blast,

Having you there made it last.

The rush of energy as we got a goal,

When you were next to me, you made the game feel whole.

We were Juniors in high school,

No one had ever taken you for a fool.

Over the years you had made so many friends,

You always told them your plan to how your life ends.

No one ever thought you would go through with it,

They thought it was a lie until you quit.

Life was great for you until your dad died,

But then his death ruined your stride.

Your dad and you always had a special connection,

Being both boys made your relationship function.

Your mother was always around,

Even when you never made a sound.

You used to cry every night,

You said it felt like your heart was dynamite.

I heard you in your room when I came to see you,

I tried to comfort you when you were looking so blue.

You said school was always rough,

I know things were hard but you said you were tough.

You were always slammed with homework every day,

But you always got it done and pretended like everything was okay.

You never let anyone in, did everything by yourself,

You always said you knew everything, that your mind was a bookshelf.

You kept your thoughts inside your head like you could handle all the pain,

But you didn’t realize what it would do until it started driving you insane.

I wish you would have told me, so I would have known

you had told me, you wouldn’t have been alone.

Us being guys, makes it hard to talk,

But we could have stopped and taken a walk.

Nothing has ever been the same since you’ve been gone,

Schools days always feel like they are just dragging on.

I wanted to quit soccer because it wasn’t ever the same,

But because of you, I decided to stay and play my best game.

I wish I could have helped you

We could have rebuilt you,

So you could rise up,

Maybe then you would be here and life wouldn’t feel like I screwed up.

I should have noticed that you had changed,

Because then maybe the future could have been rearranged.

You were like family and I miss you,

You held us all together, you were like the glue.

Even though you had your own family and loved them too,

You never left my side until I couldn’t get to you.

I wish I could go back in time to fix everything,

I wish I could have been there

You wouldn’t have been hanging on to life by a string.

I can’t change the past and I can’t go back,

The guilt feels like it’s making my heart crack.

If only this didn’t happen and you were okay,

Because maybe I wouldn’t be feeling this way.

Nothing is going to change and I know I have to move on,

I will never forget you, no matter what I come upon.

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