I’m tired of writing about this ache.
I pick up my pen
“Happy thoughts…..Happy thoughts”. I will my mind.
His laughter and the color of his eyes is all I can summon.
I resign to an wrenching ache and for this moment….just this one moment, I’ll delude myself to believing that you’re as broken as I am………..
This is beyond torture.
I’ve tossed and turned for nearly two hours.
How can love feel so whole yet shred you into fine pieces.
I’m almost sure I’m going mad. How can I hear her giggles.
Every inch of her face is etched in my mind. I close my eyes and I can almost feel the softness of skin. How does something feel so right yet is out of reach.
My head is full of Thena….. Smiling,dancing, giggling, funny,…. Furious…yes, furious. All thanks to my dammed stupid self.
If I could just make it through this night. As if the gods heard him, he dozed off.
The saluting shine of the morning sun did nothing to alleviate his mood. He knew he had to do it. He had to see her, if he wanted to keep his sanity.
Drudgingly, he got ready for work.
“I’ll have to see you, Thena… I must see you” he muttered to himself, as if willing her to want to see him to.
The day dragged on lazily.
He knew the time and route she took back from school.
At 4:45pm, he was seated on a bench across mile 6 crescent. Then he saw, her afro looked neatly packed, she looked more beautiful than she was in his dream last night,… Maybe she didn’t miss him… maybe she’d forgotten all about him. Suddenly she turned towards him and he held his breath… she kept walking, she didn’t see him.
Quickly in 6 long strides he caught up with her.
She swiveled so hard that she tripped. He caught her. He’ll always catch her.
Then abruptly, as if her skin burned at his touch, she withdrew herself.
Once she regained her composure, she stared at him long and hard to be sure she wasn’t hallucinating.
“Say something….**** it!!!!, You’re driving me insane with your silence”.
“Oh I missed you so much” she wanted to say .. but all that blasted out of her mouth was “Get Out of my way!!!!”.
Blinking away the venom she just spat he sneered “Good, at least you still speak, thought cat cut your tongue”.
“You Vile!……”. She started forward, not wanting to complete that statement.
He grabbed her, smiled at a couple walking past “newly Weds” he said to them.
If she was dumbstruck, she didn’t show it.
“Congratulations, Darlings, it’ll only get easier”.
“Thank you”. Flashing them his thousand watts smile.
He dragged her into an alley, his patience was hanging on a thread.
“You’ll listen to me… If I have to lock you up in a dungeon to that, then I will!!!”. He bit.
” If you don’t let go of me, I’ll scream blood and Thunder!!!”. She said, now fuming.
A surge of rage and desire swept through him.
” Even Thor wouldn’t save you from my clutches”.
No, this is not what he wanted. He did not come to see her for a battle of wills.
Calming himself, he said softly, “Thena, you’ll stop writhing, and I’ll let you go. Then we’ll discuss like two civilized adults. Ok??”.
“I have nothing to say to you”.
“The Hell you dont!!! But I sure as hell do. I have not slept for 4 days…. FOUR DAYS, Thena!!!!. I close my eyes and all I see is your face thrown back in laughter, all I hear is your giggling, your fervent argument of who’s the best candidate for the country.
“The Other….” He took a deep breath. His voice getting huskier.
He closed the gap between them.
“The other day!!, I swear I could feel the softness of your skin. My Bed, suddenly feels too large. It’s been one gloomy day after another. So forgive me when I decided to fly 2000 miles to drag you down an alley, because if I’m not already crazy, I’m ****** sure close to it!!!”.
He was trying to catch his breath, either from his long declaration, or how her eyes mirrored his pain”.
She swallowed. Her heart slamming against her chest from his outburst. She had so much to say but it just couldn’t come out.
“You needn’t seem so outraged”. She said, her voice low and small.
“Thena, outraged is just one of the feelings I have right now”.
After a minute of ransacking her brain for what to say. She settled for.
“I couldn’t sleep either. The ache, it’s too painful to put into words”. Was all she could say.
Good atleast she suffered as much as he did.
He held her, his chin resting on her hair.
He whispered “I swear to you Thena, she didn’t mean anything. I swear on all I have, it’s just you. It’s always been you”.
After what seemed like an eternity, he knew she had nothing to say.
He held out his hand “let’s go get something to eat”.
She took his hand and she knew she was right where she belonged, but she’d first have to say all that’s been on her mind.
For right now, she let herself believe that all would be well.
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