May 2018 Prompt: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you
May 2018 Word: Ghastly
‘Where is he?’ I thought as I bounced my leg nervously. Why had I thought it would be a good idea to let my best friend set me up on this stupid blind date? Why? Because I’m too nice of a person to stand up for myself and say ‘no’. That’s why. I wish I had the guts to just say what I was thinking or what I wanted but every time I tried my hands would sweat and butterflies would swarm my stomach til I felt ill. In the end I would just agree to whatever they wanted just so I didn’t upset them.
At times, I felt like the color beige, not white, because white is a pretty color, but just plain old beige in a world of bright color. I am average looking, average height and weight. People easily overlook me in a crowd and forget me soon after meeting me. I am forgettable.
I glanced around the room again to see if he had made it yet. Nope. As I looked around I thought, ‘This is the ghastliest restaurant I have ever been to. Ugh!’ Sighing, I picked at the lint I saw on my plain little black dress.
“Jane?” I heard a deep voice sound behind me. I didn’t turn. “Jane?”
I finally remembered myself and gave myself a quick shake and got up quickly, turning to meet the deep voice, hand outstretched. “Sorry, was lost in daydreams. Yes, I’m Jane and you are, um,.. Sorry, my friend didn’t give me your name.” I said in a rush.
He hesitated a few moments, either trying to figure out what came spewing out of my mouth, or deciding whether to bold or not, I cant be sure. He finally took my hand that was still stretched out lamely and shook it. “****.”
I laughed. I mean I didn’t mean to but for the love of blueberries! ****?! This is beginning to sound like the beginning of a really bad joke So I opened my mouth wide and stuck my foot in because I couldn’t help myself. “Jane meets ****. **** meets Jane. See **** run. Or maybe, see Jane run.”
**** gave a halfhearted smile, then sat down.
‘OK, so he didn’t have much in the sense of humor’, I thought as I took my seat again and snuck a look at my watch. ‘And 20 minutes late. This date just keeps getting better and better. Hang on to your hats ladies and gentlemen. This looks like it’s going to be a long bumpy evening.’
The waiter came over then to take our drink and food order, then left. We sat and made small talk, which I found quite painful. I kept wondering if he knew a Sally or if he had a dog named Spot, because that would be the icing on the cake. He didn’t seem like the person would would find it as funny as me, so I thought I better keep my questions to myself. Still, would be great if at least one of those were true.
Our drinks and food arrived and we continued to talk. He chewed with his mouth open so I could see the mutilated cow rolling around in his gaping hole. I mean, I probably could’ve put a bowl under his mouth and fed some homeless pet or something when he was done. I think a midgets little toe has more personality than this guy.
Next came dessert. For the love of blueberries, why was this date taking so long? What had I done to deserve this torture? My phone rang and I felt such relief, like peeing after you had to hold it for hours.
“I’m so sorry. I forgot to turn off my phone but this is important and I have to take it. Be right back.” I got up quickly and jogged to the front door and stepped outside.
I returned to the table where he sat waiting. “Sorry, it’s an emergency. I have to go,” I said, a little cross because he had rudely ate my ice cream. I mean, what kind of man would eat a lady’s ice cream? **** would.
“The date’s not over, sweet cheeks, and whatever the “emergency” is, can wait.” He air-quoted emergency. “What is the emergency?” He asked, after I gave him my best drop dead glare.
“I do not have the time, or the crayons to explain this to you.” And with that I turned. “Watch Jane run”, I muttered under my breath as I quickly walked away from the date. I had important things to do and I wouldn’t waste anymore time dwelling on this disastrous blind date.
I may not do normal life, like dating, or normal things gracefully or with confidence but when it comes to my job, I was one of the best and was confident.
I walked to my average black car and got in. I had a target to take care of and the sooner I got it over with the better. I had been waiting for the call and had finally gotten it. I took a deep breath and let myself relax.
‘Time to go to work, Samantha’, I thought to myself, smiling. The nights not too late. If I hurried, I might have time for another stop. What was one more body? Hope the ice cream tasted good.