M is for Melody

By @TEFlash
M is for Melody

Something is odd about Melody Merrit, and that quality attracts its fair share of quirky company. Including a mysterious entity bent on achieving one thing: Surviving. Despite coveting all fantasy, Melody is faced with a horrific fairy tale herself.

Chapter 1

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  1. E_W_Hemmings

    I do chapter by chapter reviews, so you can expect to hear my thoughts on each chapter of your story as I read it.
    First things first, I LOVE your character’s ‘voice’ – it’s original, it’s humorous, and I see why you picked up on the similarity between Melody and Nichol from Page 105. There were some great lines in here – ‘In my opinion, we need to cool it with the M’s, or we’re gonna run out of creative names’ was a particular favourite of mine. The paragraph beginning ‘She checks my pulse’ was particularly awesome too.
    Just a couple of nitpicky things you could improve: Dorothy’s dog in the Wizard of Oz is called Toto, not Todo, and I’d alter the phrase ‘My usual leggings underneath is yearned for’ if I were you as it sounds a bit awkward.

    I look forward to reading more of your story!

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    Reply 1 Reply Apr 4, 2018
    1. TEFlash

      Thank you for saying so! I love to begin a story lighthearted and protagonist focused at first, but, through the plot devices placed inside the heart of the story, weave a much darker ambiance. That way, the changes in the protagonist are much more clear from the beginning to the end.

      I took your advice and changed that line so it could perhaps flow better and switched the spelling on Toto. I would never have caught that, so thank you.

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      Reply 0 Replies Apr 4, 2018

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