Become a Book Nerd
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Pushing through crowded corridors of students.
She’d spent three years with them, was friends with most of them on Instagram but none of them could save her, none of them cared enough.
They didn’t know her but then again, neither did she.
She was scared, hanging from almost every noticeboard was some religion poster.
They looked harmless, some of them even looked like art.
But they were anything but it.
Behind the crosses and Easter Sunday were millions of half-lived lives, missing chapters from our History books and terrified kids.
Terrified kids just like her.
They didn’t know her but the religion class of 2.B just found out a little more than she wanted them to.
She held the tears in behind her deep blue eyes and the pain that sat within them.
The corridors had never felt so long,
They seemed endless.
Just like everything else that had hurt her before,
The pain felt like it would never end.
Yet somehow she made it.
Her shaking freshly shaved arms pushed against the toilet doors.
The wooden frame crashed against the brick wall behind it, more chipped paint fell onto the chipped tiles below.
She wanted to be somewhere quiet but after a few moments, she realized she couldn’t hear much anyway.
There was a ringing in her ears that she couldn’t control, couldn’t stop.
Her head ached and her heart was beating fast, too fast.
She felt like it could erupt from out of her chest at any given moment, she was terrified.
Terrified of herself, terrified of what they thought of her.
She had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and her whole body was trembling.
She felt dizzy, really dizzy.
A feeling of impending doom, that constantly sat in the back of her mind was now taking a stand.
Darkness overpowered her everything.
Her throat was tight, she couldn’t breathe.
She stumbled over to her sink her sweating hands clasped around the sides.
She felt completely alone, she was completely lost.
She tried to breathe, the air was going into her mouth but it got lost somewhere before it could fill her lungs.
She looked in the mirror, the image that stared back at her was blurry but that was nothing now.
The issue was she could even see the body that held the blurred image.
Desperate to feel alive she gasped, she didn’t want to die just yet.
One of the stall doors opened but she didn’t notice.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay, you’re okay”
Said a voice from behind her, she could just about make it out.
Not the words but she could hear kindness in the sound.
She didn’t turn around if she moved she thought, she might just collapse.
The sound got a little closer.
“It’s all gonna be alright, you’re alright.”
She saw some sort of figure come and stand beside her,
Then she felt a soft hand grasp onto her wrist.
“It’s all gonna be alright”
The voice repeated.
The owner of the voice turned on the tap.
She felt cold water falling onto her overheating wrist.
“Close your eyes!”
She could hear once more.
“Good, now inhale, 1,2,3 and out, 1,2,3”
She repeated over and over again.
She could smell whoever was standing beside her, lavender mist.
“You’re doing great, everything is going to be fine, just fine”
The voice was soft, it sounds like an angel.
Slowly she opened her eyes,
It’s owner looked like an angel to her.
“Inhale, 1,2,3 and exhale, 1,2,3.”
It was a tall girl, bright dyed red hair in a pixie cut, tanned skin, plump lips covered in purple lipstick, “Love is love” stick and poke lay just above her chest, rainbow pin pressed right against her heart.
Everything a girl from ‘round the village wasn’t meant to be.
But maybe the village was wrong.
The girl with the pixie cut noticed how calm she had become.
She didn’t know what the girl said next, she was lost.
Though this time she was lost in the kind forest green eyes.
The years went by.
She stayed lost.
They stayed lost together.
“Can you see them?”
Her purple lipstick was the same.
“No, we’re really lost”
She stood up on her tippy toes trying to see above the miles of rainbow flags and support.
Her hearing was overwhelmed, music blaring from a Double-Decker bus. Filled the air.
Replied the lips she kissed every night.
“We can find them later.”
“It’s gonna be okay”
She said under her breath.
“The darkness does end”
She looked in awe.
Everyone on the street, being completely and truly themselves.
Shouted a woman from the sidelines.
Tens of middle fingers responded.
She looked the woman dead in the eyes, fire in her voice.
The woman had a cross hanging around her neck and her hair cut just like her husband liked it.
“You’re so very wrong!”
She couldn’t stop smiling.
She walked past the woman.
Like she’d walked past the oppression the village she left behind, along with the darkness.
“How can it be anything else? How can love be anything be beautiful?”
She looked ahead.
She was lost, had no idea where she was going.
But that didn’t bother her, that didn’t matter.
She’d find her way.
She wasn’t going in the wrong direction, she knew that much.
How could she?
How can love ever be wrong?