Joe Blow from Accounting (Season 1)

By @Sombience

Joe Blow from Accounting (Season 1)

By @Sombience

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Joe received a few more notifications during the rest of his time at work that day (“water fountains drunken from, times defecating”, etc), went home and cracked open a beer (“times imbibed”), showered (“times bathed”), and slept.

The next morning he woke up from a buzz on his phone, telling him how many times he had slept. He had been too lazy to address the situation the previous night and now there were more pressing matters: the big meeting with the big bosses he had been preparing for all week.

He took another quick shower, brushed his teeth and combed his hair (receiving notifications for all three afterwards), then left for work.

Joe successfully impressed the higher executives with his work on the company’s big plan. They all shook his hand and his boss even told him he might be up for promotion after this. Joe was elated. He walked out of the meeting room with a grin on his face when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Murders +1; now at 1 [Ok] [Go to Stats app]”

Joe stopped walking.

He read it again. He brought up the app and searched “murders”. It showed exactly what the notification had shown. “Murders: 1”

He was in a meeting. He didn’t kill anyone. As if summoned, every single executive in the meeting and his boss started walking past him just then.

“All accounted for…” Joe thought.

His boss asked him if he was ok. “You’re staring at us like we have leprosy, what’s up?” Joe dismissed it by saying it was just the meeting jitters still effecting him.

Joe eventually feigned a sickness and went home. He felt his phone buzz, and ignored it figuring there was a “times skipped work” stat (he was correct). He had had enough. He had started to feel afraid of his phone. The reality of him murdering someone that day was impossible. This had to be some elaborate prank.

He recalled the real time aspect of these stats. If someone had been killed, it happened seconds before he had received the notification for it. Seconds immediately after Joe had shook the final executive’s hand in the meeting…

Joe regretted leaving work early. He got no sleep that evening (therefore no notification) and went immediately to work at sunrise.

Very little of his coworkers had shown up; he was free to do some research. He went to his office, switched on his desktop and pored over every piece of documentation presented by himself at the meeting. The word “termination” caught his eye… but it was about his boss letting go of an employee who had had “improper associations” to an executive’s wife (“******* got what he deserved,” Joe thought); he moved on.

Resigning himself to the thought that he had expended any possibilities of “murder”, he stood up to make some coffee in the breakroom. Various coworkers had been steadily showing up to work over the past hour, and there were two chatting at the water cooler.

“… was a very terrible tragedy. They say he died in his sleep, so at least it was painless.”

“I didn’t know him myself but did you hear about that mess with one of the boss’s wives? Talk about indirect justice.”

Joe had stopped just inside the breakroom door and was simply staring at them, listening, still as a rock. They looked at him. “Good morning!”

Joe questioned them about the man who died; he was the employee his boss was firing and it indeed sounded like he died of natural causes the night before. But the “termination” plan in his files…

Joe suddenly didn’t need coffee. He found himself wide awake.

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