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I’ve hurt & I’ve been hurt

By @RoudainaTawakol

I ressemble your broken self

I’ve hurt you as much as I’ve been hurt now

I recognise the pain because I remember your eyes

All watery and your voice shaken, I just don’t remember how

I don’t remember being aware of the pain you were feeling

I don’t remember being aware of what I meant to you

I don’t remember being aware of how much you loved me

I recognised it all when I saw you that last time

You wanted to act cold around me but once our eyes met you flashed a smile

And just then I noticed your love was true 

Because once you truly love someone, you won’t ever hate them as much

I remember leaving on good terms and I remember saying I was sorry

I remember you begging me please don’t go, I remember you holding on

I just don’t remember feeling you, I don’t remember having a heart back then

I walked away silently, coldly and left you waiting for me to come back

You waited for hours, days, months with me on your mind

Though I remember you were never on mine 

I don’t remember remembering you back then, not even a little bit, not even once every while 

I remember one night I was driving back home, and my heart whispered 

“Where has he gone now?” 

I remember asking about you, and I remember learning you’ve found “the one”

I knew you didn’t love her, because I know how your eyes spell love 

I watched you give her all I once had

I remember how surprised you were when you noticed me watching 

I remember you asking for us to talk

When you broke down, that’s where you wanted to go

I remember feeling warm after hearing your first “Hello” 

I don’t remember you brining her up, were you sure you loved her though? 

I remember you asking about my family with your eyes squinted

Like you were hoping to hear something good and feared bad news 

Because you know that’s what tore me apart

I remember crying to you on the phone when I wasn’t feeling “home” 

I remember you worrying about how I’ll want this to go

I remember reassuring you, telling you it was all better

I remember you closing your eyes in relief, and laughing in disbelief 

I don’t remember what I had told you back then

I don’t remember anything about us if I’m being honest

I just remember you knew me well

And I remember you tried to change my unfortunate fears 

I remember asking you about her, with nothing on my mind

I remember the look of disappointment in your eyes 

I remember you saying it won’t ever be the same

I didn’t understand back then, you’re not in love 

Why are you holding onto her? Why are you lying? 

You shook your head and looked at your shoes back then

That’s when I understood, I changed how you think 

See, I remember you being a good guy 

I remember not wanting you back then but wanting you as I see you now

I remember your good traits and your bad ones, but honesty was always your first guide 

Now I noticed people change, I noticed pain changed you

I noticed I was the pain you stayed up so many nights running away from 

I noticed I made you accept less, but I remember you were always aiming high 

Now, I understand I changed you, I understand how you felt 

Because right now, I ressemble your broken self. 

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