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In our Garden

By @Me-the-Rookie

I’m crying again. Trapped seemingly forever to come back to this place and relive it. I look up and there you stand. Almost hidden by the rose bush gazing at the beautiful buds of the scarlet red flowers. You’re smiling at them, eyes bright, moonlight reflecting off your brilliant dark hair. You’re so radiant it’s almost as if the air in the garden has started to shine. You always had that ability. You made people see the beauty of the world. The beauty of the little things like this garden.

We must have walked these paths a million times before and yet every day they were more beautiful. You turn to look at me now and your head tilts ever so slightly to the side as it always does when you’re happy. I can’t stop crying as I stare at you, even though I try. All I can do is watch as you walk towards me, the ray of moonlight illuminating you as you come. I don’t know what I was expecting you to do but as you kneel down in front of me your smile fades a little as you examine my tears and it breaks my heart. You bring your hand to my cheek to brush away my tears but I feel nothing. More tears escape my eyes. You give me a sad smile, almost apologetic. I hate it. I hate my tears. I want to hate you, I try, but I just can’t. I’ll never be able to hate you. Even though I know that’s what would be best for me, I refuse to do it. I’ll live this lie for the rest of my life if it means I’ll still get to see you. Even if it’s like this.

You’re still looking at me, searching for something, but soon you gently shake your head as if giving up. You stand. I know you’re going to leave me, you do it every night but I don’t want you to. I reach for your hand but you’re already backing away. Eventually you turn around and continue walking away from me down the moonlit path. You only stop to reach your hand out and touch one of the roses. You’re fingertips delicately tracing the petals, I watch as you smile again before the wind blows and you fade away into the breeze leaving only the moonlight reflecting off the roses behind you.

The sane part of my brain knows you were never really there, it knows you haven’t been around for a long time, but the rest of me can’t accept that. I can’t live knowing you aren’t here anymore. I know that’s the only thing stopping me from getting better but I just can’t let you go. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let you go. Not in this lifetime. And so, I’ll continue to see you. Every night in this garden I will wait for you to come see the roses, I’ll wait for the moonlight to shine on you, I’ll wait for you to smile at me, to put your hand on my cheek, and to disappear. I will always wait for you. In this garden under the moonlight. In our garden under our moonlight.

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