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Identity Crisis

By @sophiaaltshuler

Math class is the highlight of my day at school. This is because I get to see Jacob, who I’ve had a crush on since freshman year. I have the perfect view of him from my desk, and I think he catches me staring at him sometimes. Today when I looked over I saw him talking, or even flirting, with one of the popular girls in our class. I was immediately overwhelmed with jealousy and knew that I had to do something to grab his attention so that he would talk to me. One thing that I noticed about her is that she was wearing very loud and bold clothing, with bright colors and showing an inappropriate amount of skin. I thought that maybe if I started to dress that way Jacob would notice me.

The next day, I showed up to math class in the boldest outfit I had ever worn. It consisted of a sparkly black crop top that barely covered my stomach, bright red pants, and some of my mom’s old Dr. Martens. I didn’t think I would feel any different, but this look really boosted my confidence. Maybe to an annoying extent even. I was acting like a different person and even found myself looking for compliments. My behavior was especially like this when I was around Jacob, and unfortunately I think he noticed. Actually, I know for a fact he noticed because of what came out of his mouth next.

“Hey Alyssa you don’t need to try so hard,” he said, with an annoyed look on his face.

“Um… uh… what?”

“I mean, I know you’re looking for attention. It’s pretty obvious, and honestly you seem kinda desperate,” Jacob said as he turned back around in his desk.

“I guess. Um… yeah, sorry,” I stated in a quiet, sad voice.

The rest of that day I felt stupid for the way that I acted and ashamed that I felt the need to be a different person to get the attention of a guy. If Jacob wasn’t gonna notice me for who I am then maybe I should just move on. Feeling much better about myself, I went through the rest of the week without even paying attention to Jacob. To my surprise, he actually said something to me when we were leaving class on Friday.

“See you Monday, Alyssa,” he said with a charming smile.

He had never done that before, but before I could respond he was already gone. Maybe being myself really could have benefits. Trying to be someone else is too much work and it’s overrated.

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