I don’t have much longer, I thought, as I quickly placed the goblet on the table. I’ll be gone soon, and no one will know it’ll be quick. I sigh, was it worth it, to end it all in one single sip? It seemed romantic, a sip of red wine beside the bath… slowly drifting away into oblivion. Except I won’t die in the bath, I didn’t make it that far. Life’s precious, it doesn’t take much to end it all… a single sip of wine to a slash on the wrist and it can end in a blink of an eye. Maybe this is my way of escape, a warm out from my cold thoughts.
I glance at the empty goblet beside me, and think to when it was filled with arsenic and wine… and tantalizing it looked, and the expression on my face as I realized this was going to be my escape route. I gripped the goblet in both hands, and I felt the warm sensation glide across my lips as I guzzled the warm liquid down my throat.
“It won’t be long now until the liquid has its effect on me,” I say, feeling dizzy. I look around and the dining room begins to fade into darkness. “I’ll soon be gone… into Death’s warm embrace.” I feel my head start getting lighter by the second as if I’m on drugs. This must be what it feels like to be high, I think to myself as I slide into the cozy chair in the corner, filled with stuffed animals of my childhood… I want them to be my last sight. I wrap myself in my teddy bear, memories from a blissful childhood, living in ignorance from the world, and I feel my blood start to cool.
“This is it,” I say to teddy as he looks at me with care. “I’m going to the unknown, the place we’ve only dreamed about. I’m finally going. No more slashing my wrists with my razorblade,” I say, starting to get hazy as teddy slides in close to me. I wrap my arms around him, and I look up . . .for what might be the last time I’ll ever see the dining room, my house.
I can’t back out now, I think to myself, as I start to feel uneasy about the whole “suicide” plot. I’ve always chickened out in the past, but now, I’m going through with it… and I can’t lie, I’m both excited and nervous. I know I’m leaving behind my family and friends, the ones who’ve tried everything to help me see life through a new light. I thank them for their efforts, but I know it was futile… I just kept slipping back into the same endless loop… of getting better to feeling even more alone/desperate. It’s scary and I can’t put my friends through it anymore. I need to escape, my way.
My eyes start to fade, as I can barely look at the goblet that took my life force from me. Why did I do this to myself? I knew this was going to be a slow death, so why did I opt for this choice? They’re just going to find my body, and being even more dismayed. I shake off teddy, and I realize I no longer have any strength left, as teddy remains around my torso.I guess you get to see a dying corpse today, buddy.
It won’t be long until I’m gone, I just hope it’s soon… before Mom and Dad find me. I’d hate for them to find me right before Death takes me, or worse, right as Death is taking me. That’d be… awful. I get ready to breathe my last, when I start to hear a noise coming from above me. Am I going crazy? Could it be someone in the room above me? Mom? Dad? Thoughts fill my head, what if I’m not gonewhen they find me? What if I’m just hanging on? What if the poison didn’t do wonders, what if I merely grabbed some vitamins instead of arsenic? I start to sweat, as I hear the noise grow louder, and the creaky steps begin to play out their harmonious sound of someone using them. It’ll only be a matter of seconds before someone enters the dining room, I grab teddy and pull him up to my chest. Please, die. Can’t believe I‘m wishing for the warm hand of Death.
My eyes dart to the door across from me, as it slowly creaks open. I’m within sight, and I hold my breath. The door swings wide open, and I hear the floorboards creak.
It’s my brother, coming in to check on me. He’s been kind to me, and concerned, ever since I started using the razorblades as my escape out of here. He’s dressed just like me, blue jeans, white blouse, black sneakers as he walks to the table and sees the goblet. He picks it up, and looks over at me. I see the disappointed look on his face, he knows what I drank… and I feel dizzy.
“Brother,” his lips are dry and his heart’s heavy, as he looks me in the eye, still holding onto the goblet. “Why?”
He’s not rushing to my side; doesn’t he realize what I’ve done? Is he letting me die?
“Why did you drink the last of my vitamin water?” He asks with a slight chuckle, and finishes what was left in the goblet. “You know I love grape!” He smiles, placing the goblet down on the table in front of me. “You crazy kid,” he says, messing up my hair as he takes teddy from me. “For that, teddy gets to sleep with me tonight!”
I look at him, unable to make conversation. I won’t by dying anytime soon. If I drank from the goblet filled with vitamin water… then who drank from my goblet?