Going Under

By @Dcoleman1991
Going Under

Thoughts of a depressed older African American woman who is seeking help from another source. This is not a cry for help but these are my thoughts. But know that if there is anyone out there who reads this and understands and sees this and does need help to seek it, and I hope you do get to talk with someone about it. I am here as well. Just because I don't seek it does not mean I won't give it. And I don't own the art as my background.

Chapter 1

Sinking

I feel like I’m sinking underwater and can’t see what is above me anymore.

There’s no light and no life within these veins that I need to fulfill me.

All around me all I hear are these words that mean nothing to me…

Get a useful job they say

You’re kind, funny, smart, they say.

All you need is a man and children that’ll help they say.

I only feel better when her lips are on mine

I only feel like lightning fills my veins as I see her smile just once ONCE

When I see a good grade because I tried for once and didn’t just slap something down on a piece of paper,

Or when I can make another happy

Or when I place that sharp edge against my skin

And see my crimson flow from those cuts.

But they tell me that’s wrong.

What’s wrong is the world.

The world is wrong.

It’s grey and it’s dark.

It’s hard…

And I am sinking down under the load

And I am tired of fighting for a world that is telling me that I need to have something that I don’t want!

I am tired of fighting for others to be happy when I feel like just being in this space

Is useless.

So going under

and sinking

is the best idea

Right?

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