I’m Kylie. I’m in the seventh grade and live a pretty normal life. Well, I wouldn’t say TOTALLY normal. And you probably would like to know what makes me so “abnormal”. Today, for the first part of this Christian blog, I will share with you a little bit about me. X3 (<— That's my favorite emoticon… I would use a regular emoji, but I'm using a computer. XD)
What I Like XD
- Favorite food: Ramen Noodles. Definitely.
- Favorite drink: Any kind of tea. I try a different kind every time I go to drink one. ????
- Favorite color (of course): purple. Good thing that’s the color of my room! X3
- My hobbies: Drawing (which people say I’m good at, but I really doubt it), writing stories, singing, and Fridays.
- What I’d Like to Try: writing this blog, of course. XD Haven’t written anything like it, so I’ll see how this goes!
- Favorite music groups/bands: Twenty One Pilots (no der), Fall Out Boy, Old Dominion, Paramore, Billie Eilish, Post Malone, for KING and COUNTRY, Hillsong, Jordan Feliz, and Chye.
- Favorite song (at the moment): “Fight On, Fighter” by for KING and COUNTRY.
- Friendships/Relationships: I have a few close friends. Calvin, Laura, Alizabeth, and Gretchen. I also have the best boyfriend to exist, and his name is Brice. <3
Now let’s get to more of the serious stuff.
Before I Found Christ
I have always grown up in a Christian family. My parents dedicated me at a church I used to attend when I was months old. I always had gone to Sunday morning services, Wednesday night youth group/Awana stuff, and always went along with whatever people said about Christianity. But after a bit, starting in 5th grade; I began to lose the interest I had in Christ. He just didn’t seem like much of a priority anymore. And, well, I started to try to live without Him. And that was… a bad idea. For the rest of that year and leading into sixth grade, things got progressively worse (mental-health wise). I had started inducing in self-harm and thought about suicide. This is really hard for me to admit because I’ve never said it before, but I tried at least 12 times to end my life. 12. I’m shaking my head. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. One time, I even remembered looking up into Google how to kill yourself because I had already tried so many things but I just didn’t build up the courage to do them and needed new ideas. Ending my life was becoming a hobby. Suicide. That was the word that made me feel familiar to anything. Hurt. Suffering. Killing yourself. Dead. Heaven. Home.
I thought that if I was able to kill myself that I would go to Heaven and I would be home. And that my suffering on Earth wouldn’t have to prolong anymore. But I am so, so glad that I stayed… alive. Because if I had actually tied that rope around my neck or actually stabbed that knife into my chest I don’t think I would have gone to Heaven. If I committed suicide just to end my “hurt”, I would have never fully found Christ.
I was a mess. Until July 21st-26th 2019…
Finding My Savior
I hesitantly packed my bags for a week at Timberlake Ranch Camps. Timberlake is the biggest summer camp in our state, and I went the year before. And it was really fun. I hoped that this week would be just as awesome. I had figured out at that point that maybe why I was suffering with depression and anxiety so severely was because I hadn’t had a good relationship with God. That I couldn’t be happy without Him. So I also went to Timberlake that week in hopes to strengthen my faith.
And luckily, it did.
Timberlake was the best week of my entire life. I made lifelong memories, met amazing people, and it’s also where I met my boyfriend. ???? And yes, our romance was just like a book on Wattpad… wistful, cute, dramatic. But I’m not complaining. Brice was one of the components that made that week so memorable. But what really made things totally different for me was those Chapel times. (Yes, Timberlake was obviously a Bible camp. Just so you know.) The songs were composed of easy-to-read and sometimes silly lyrics since there was a wide age range at the camp. I’m talking kindergartners all the way to sophomores in high school. So the lyrics had to be fun for the kids, of course. But I didn’t really mind. XD
What really got me was the lesson the third or fourth day of camp. The pastor that was there for the week shared something that really impacted me. Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. I had known about what He did ever since kindergarten, but I hadn’t really understood it or wrapped my mind around it. This is what got me to like, really get it.
He was explaining and telling us again and again how sinful we were. How we’ve pretty much blown it. My mind kept telling me, well, what’s he gonna say next? What’s his point? And this is exactly how he revealed his “point”.
“So what are we supposed to do? Why don’t we just go to Hell?”
“It’s because of this.” Then he turned around and pointed at the cross positioned at the back of the stage.
That was his point. And my life changed. I ended up actually accepting Christ that week. ???? And believe me, I was so much happier, you couldn’t even recognize me if you had known me before! Even my friends asked me if I was depressed anymore. And I wasn’t. The self-harm, the suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, and Satan himself had all lost their grip on me. I was finally free. Finally free in Christ.
But, however, if you find Christ and you accept Him, it’s not like your relationship is gonna be perfect forever. And after a couple months, I started drifting away. But apparently, God didn’t want me running around like a chicken with its head cut off in depression and all that, and gave me a fresh reminder of Him. He pulled me right back to Him; just like that. Here’s what happened.
I live in the Midwest, so one night at the high school the Todd Becker Foundation came and visited. If you haven’t heard of it before, I certainly hope you go check it out. It’s really awesome. And that’s where the band Chye came from- they tour with them. But, I’ve realized that when they’re with the TBF they’re referred to as “All The Noise”. Here’s a link to Chye’s page on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2fbUQIKSBTohTK6tHaFGYV
They’re not too popular, but they need to be. Make sure to stream “Grow”! XD
Anyway, the story and the music with the event was really good. But what was really powerful was at the very end. The speaker addressed to everyone that if they wanted to rededicate themselves to Christ or even accept Him for the first time, when the music started they could go down and kneel to the cross right beside him. And then the music started.
One girl eagerly jumped from her seat and knelt beside our speaker. A few followed. That’s good, I thought to myself. But then, everyone started to go down. I couldn’t believe it. 75% of all the high schoolers were down on the gym floor to worship Christ. And soon enough, the group I was with went down the bleachers. Deciding that I would go with them, I followed them. But as I walked down those stairs, it hit me. I was starting to drift away from God again. And I needed to get back with Him. Like, right now.
The amount of students on the floor was amazing. Someone pointed out to us where we could kneel, so we got in place and that’s what we did. Knelt before the Lord. I tried not to cry, but it felt so good to worship my Savior and get close to Him again that I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I still remember the main lyrics of the song.
“… I have decided, to follow Jesus.”
The melody is replaying in my head at this very moment.
Overwhelmed with a drive to worship Christ, I mouthed those lyrics along with the main singer of Chye (in this case, All the Noise). My life changed again that day. Just as I was about to wriggle out of God’s grip again, He gently picked me up and pulled me closer to Him. I was so, so overwhelmed by His love. God loves me, and He loves you. If you follow Him, your life will change.
I hope you see how my life has been changed by Christ. And, if you haven’t already accepted Him, I hope you saw how it can change you, too. I went from a helpless, lost and suicidal girl to a strong believer in Christ who can finally call herself free, and happy. No matter how big or long your chains are, they can be broken. God can do anything, after all. X3
So, this blog will be all about my future experiences and thoughts about Christ. I will try to update as often as I can. I think writing this blog will definitely help me get even closer to God. There’s always room to grow. And, of course, I’m not only doing this for my own benefit. I want to help my readers who may be struggling in their faith, as well. So please, stay with me. If God is with me, He is with you too.
See you in the next chapter. X3