Excerpts From a Smarta$$

By @tayahlee

Excerpts From a Smarta$$

By @tayahlee

here lies the ramblings of a complete mess. a sarcastic, goofy, cute little mess. a mess who wants to get her life together.

Chapter 1

April 27, 2020

Where does a journey begin? Perhaps after an awakening; a discovery. A summon from destiny, or the decision between one path and another. How does a hero know their quest? In the inevitability of our unbearably ordinary world lacking magic gauntlets and hidden rings, even the biggest dreamers can come up empty handed.

In my experience, the purpose lies within desire. Much like Jack Sparrow’s omniscient compass, my attention orients toward the next nearest ambition. These spells of inspiration resulted in a plethora of mediocre talents. I like to think of it as wearing many hats, however I struggle to see that there is no main focus in my life.

I spent so much time trying to fit in with everybody else that instead of conforming to one cliche I had become a collection of them all. I learned art because of my sister. She had beautiful sketchbooks and little canvas paintings hung around her room. So I learned how to draw and paint. My mother loved to cook and garden, and I adopted a love for nature’s gifts. My father and brother were boxing fanatics, though any sport could spark a conversation with either one of them. There grew my addiction to action movies and competition.

High school made me really long for acceptance. Get fit, know the trends, and never let your guard down. Don’t say too much, but if you’re too quiet then that’s considered weird. They want you to be smart, yet risky or else “you’re no fun anymore.” Swim with the fish, but never splash, or you’ll be left behind. That was my biggest fear, and I was not in the position to let it come true. So I conformed to everybody, so much that I ultimately forgot who I was.

You can look for all the cliques in any Y/A novel, or any Indie film produced by a YouTuber. The nerd, the athlete, the stoner, and so on. My purpose was so swayed by all my conflicting personalities that it had actually slowly driven me insane.

But wouldn’t that make a good commentary? The girl who thinks of everything, trying to come up with an answer to life’s biggest questions. Perhaps that’ll be what really sends me over the edge. Nonetheless, I’d like to feel some self discovery, and since writing has been the passion that always lingers, I’ll let my fingers do the work. Let this be the beginning of my journey.

The acceptance of a quest.

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