Disowning humanity

Chapter 1

I always feel alone. Even when I’m with my family it feels like I shouldn’t be with them. At first I thought it was normal because almost everybody grieves when someone dies. My cousin, the light of my life, died in a car accident. It should have been me. March 5, I was in the car with her and then we end in the hospital and everyone is crying. I guess you could say I went into a deep, deep, deep depression and that I had a pretty miserable life. This all happened over the summer. I am now going into 9th grade and I have a plan: I’m going to avoid everyone, with the exceptions of teachers and my family. I can’t afford any distractions this year. Everything needs to be perfect.

I love Jazz. It brought me out of my depression and I’m thankful for it. The first day of school was yesterday and I spent all of lunch in the band room, playing piano. The teacher came in and asked if I wanted to join jazz band and I was overjoyed. I have my life plan ahead of me. I am proud of myself because after he (Mr. Teller) asked me to join the jazz band, the idea came to me. The plan for my life is basically my plan for 9th grade except I want to get into CJC (California Jazz Conservatory). All elite jazz players go there and I want to go there because I know one thing: I will be happy there.

My plan fell apart when he walked into my English class.