“You mean you’re breaking up with me” I pulled in a deep breath of air trying not to cry. I looked sideways at the cold alley wall taking several shallow breaths.
“No, it’s not like that, I just need a break.” Devin shuffled his feet awkwardly rubbing his neck, a look of pain flickered across his face for an instant then disappeared. My eyes started to sting, I could feel the tears already. I crossed my arms tightly over my chest trying to keep the flood gates closed.
“I-I just” I stopped, Devin had started to fidget with the trim of his dark blue shirt, a look of annoyance cut across his face, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He appeared annoyed, bored as if I was just another girl he had to deal with. “Oh… that’s why.” Suddenly is dark curly hair didn’t remind me of chocolate, it now looked like dirt. His sparkling hazel eyes no longer made me feel happy and warm, they suddenly looked like the cold, dark, evil eyes of a player.
He glanced up, “What?” He tried to look puzzled, but I knew.
“Is that all I am to you?” my voice started to rise, tears brimmed at the edge of my eyes, “An item!?!” I know, maybe I was a little rash, maybe I jumped to a conclusion too quickly, but seriously cut me some slack, my boyfriend just broke up with me.
“Did you just use me to get popular with all your friends Devin, are you that shallow!?!” I was yelling now and no matter how many times I wiped the tears away, more came in their place.
“What? No, Amber it’s not- god is that really what-” He had the nerve to laugh, that was the last straw, I pointed at the entrance to the alley, “Go.” I ground my teeth together, every ounce of hatred poured into one word, so much it almost hurt.
He turned and started to walk away like a kicked puppy, then he turned around. “I’m not supposed to tell you this but…” He hesitated something passed over his face, though I couldn’t tell what it was. I’ve always known Devin was a very guarded person, but it was still frustrating, not being able to understand him fully. “It’s my mom, she- she doesn’t want me to be around you anymore.” He looked down as if waiting for me to walk up and smack him across the face, I didn’t. Instead I looked down anger bubbling to its top.
“I said go.” My patience was worn thin, he just broke up with me and now he was blaming his mom. Who I may mention, is about the nicest person I’ve ever met. She used to bake me cookies. She fixed my dress when I ripped the trim while having a movie night with Devin. She was like the mom I never had, and I’m pretty sure she constantly talked to me about Devin, she acted like I was her daughter.
“Are you blaming your mom? Really, I swear Devin.” It was my turn to laugh, his face turned sour for just a second, then he gathered his composure and looked at me with a stern expression.
“When I see you again remind me to apologize.” He picked up his bag and walked out of the alley. Just like that, and I will admit, I may have kicked the alley wall. Hey, can you really blame me I was ticked. Most of the time when a guy pulls you into an empty alley, he isn’t planning on breaking up with you.
I sighed in defeat the wall hadn’t done anything to me, I should be kicking Devin Gonzolas in the crotch. No, I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of hearing my voice, ever again. He was now my enemy and I was going to treat him as such. I picked up my beige duffle bag, wiped away the remaining tears and strode confidently out of the ally as if nothing had happened.
For years I had been scared that Devin would break up with me, I was even more scared of that than I was of the dark, and I was absolutely terrified of the dark. When I was little, almost every night my dad had to come in and calm me down before he finally gave up and got me a nightlight. Even that scared me though, the light would cast creepy shadows on the walls, making the shadow of my dolls that I loved to play with, look like some monster from a horror film. My dad being the amazing and kind person the he was finally found a solution. He got one of those projector things that lit up a picture on the wall. He got me the one that showed the solar system, let’s just say I slept a lot better after that.
That night as I stood in front of my floor to ceiling mirror I began to regret my oath. I started to believe I had made a terrible decision, I needed him, and I knew it. Observing myself in the mirror I realized I looked like an evil queen that had been way too busy for the past two millennia. I guess I looked a lot more mature than your average seventeen-year-old. My eyes were so dark that they looked black, not to mention they were bloodshot from all the crying. My hair was a whole different matter entirely, it was blonde, but a light blonde and looked like it could be white. My hair was usually as straight as a pin, but it was greasy and tangled and just looked like a bird nest. When I got home I had changed into an old t-shirt and some sweats. I took my contacts out and was now wearing my glasses that had thick black frames that only Devin knew I had. Another secret that was well, probably not a secret for much longer. My mascara was smeared, and my concealer and blush were pretty much dead. So, all in all I looked more like a zombie than a queen.
My phone rang, I picked it up off my dresser, checked the caller ID, and my heart almost soared out of my chest, then immediately seemed to plummet into the underworld. “Devin”. My finger hovered over the answer button, then, my head impaled my heart and I pressed end. I set my phone back down and fell onto my bed the pale blue comforter swallowed me, I was going to forget about Devin, I didn’t need him, after all I was a girl, we didn’t need men…. right?
“Hearts are breakable,” Isabelle said. “And I think even when you heal, you’re never what you were before”.” Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels