Broken and Scarred

⚠️ Trigger Warning⚠️

It was another day in the treacherous hell I live in. The torture that I am subjected to daily, at school. Just like everyday, it’s the same stream of insults and comments that cut deeper than any knife.

I would never share these comments with anyone.

Worthless

Ugly.

Fat.

A disgrace…

These words play in my mind on repeat.

Everything seems to fade, as I taste my salty tears. The dark hole in my mind swirling the words around and around, trapping them to memory. I don’t want to be me anymore. I want to hide in the tears that fall from my eyes. I stand in the bathroom.

My cries go unheard. My words go unspoken.

I look in the mirror at the broken girl I have become. Once the first tear breaks free, the rest follows in an unbroken stream.

The rhythmic sound of the water calms me as the hot water hits my skin. I press my back to the cool tiles and glance at the blade in my trembling palm.

“I really am fat and unwanted huh” I murmur.

I glance at my marked thighs.

I feel the sting of metal through my skin.

Clean deep cuts, to wipe away my pain.

But nothing happens.

Why wasn’t it working?

Maybe I didn’t go deep enough?

I cut deeper.

Crimson lines form and mark me. But it doesn’t work, I am not relieved of why worries.

Why wasn’t it working?

Why wasn’t I feeling free?

The river of blood pours down my body mixing with the water.

I do it again, and again and again. Faster and faster. The more I do, the more furious I become. As the tears of pain stream down my face I think about how worthless, ugly and unwanted I am. Most of all how alone I am. A solitary flower in a field full of thorns.

I throw the blade away.  

It too has lost its purpose. Crumpled in a heap I let the water soothe my pain as the red rivulets make their way down the drain.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow i’ll ask for help. Tomorrow I will heal.