As I laid there letting him touch me, I just barely felt his fingers lightly brush over my soft skin, I barely registered him as he pulled me into him and pressed his lips against mine, he whispered something into my ear, I blocked it out, as he started to kiss my neck I felt nothing, I spaced out; letting my mind drift and when I came back to reality we were both naked and breathing hard.
I can’t seem to stop doing this almost every night, not with the same guy of course and it’s not like I keep doing this because it feels too good to stop or anything like that, i just…i don’t know.
I closed my eyes, put my head on his shoulder, slowly slid my arm over his chest and dozed off.
I woke up to him shaking my arm.
“Wake up. Wake up. Bri, wake up!”
“What?” I asked, still half asleep.
“You have to get out of here; if my mom catches you here I’m so screwed.”
“If you mom walks in on this than she will know you’re not gay, relax.”
“Very funny, but I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Okay, okay I’m going” I said as I gathered enough energy to get out of the bed, as the sheets slid off of me and I got up I knew he was looking at me running his eyes all over my body, watching me get dressed.
When I slid on my grey hoodie, quickly fixed my hair and put some light makeup on, he decided to try and make it sound like he actually cares.
“Look, it’s not like I want you to leave it’s just my mom…” his words trailed off.
“It’s fine, but you might want to at least move that condom wrapper off the floor” I said, opening the door.
“Right, see you later?”
I shrugged and left.
I pulled my headphones out of my bag and tried to get lost in the music.
I was staring at the ground as I walked; kicking the little pebbles watching them roll along the ground, thinking about how easily they get kicked around, suddenly my mind was filled with so many memories.
I turned my screamo up louder and struggled to free my mind.
I kept wondering if I should look up and see if I was about to walk into someone, but I knew no one was outside randomly walking around at this time, in a city like this. If I looked up I would have inevitably seen the sky; The black sky, the silhouettes of the tree’s and the street lights that remind me of that…horrible night.
I make my way to Nick and Barbra’s house; they are my so called parents.
I don’t care if it’s legal; they are not my parents.
And fostering child? It’s not the same as delivering one after enduring the nine months of everything pregnancy entails.
Of course Barbra, my foster mother, was still up; pretending that she wasn’t actually waiting for me
I walked in and kicked off my vans all the while knowing that she was watching me, studying me. I just know her eyes flicked up from the book she was pretending to read and she was probably waiting for an explanation for why I had just walked in the door at 2 in the morning when my curfew is 11pm but I didn’t care, I didn’t turn my head, I didn’t look at her, I just walked to my room, collapsed on my bed and laid there until I finally fell asleep.
People say you’re born for something.
I don’t believe that.
It is a twisted lie.
Everyone seems to be born for something but if you really look, it’s just people who work really hard at something until they seem to be ‘Born for it’.