I saw myself running to the crosswalk, as a medium-light rain started to come down. I seemed more… anxious than usual. I was impatient, like I had to get to the house fast. The light turned red, and I started crossing. But then I saw a speeding car crest the hill, speeding towards me. I turned towards the car’s direction, in the split of a second. The car hit the side of my body, like I was doing extreme yoga. My body flew a couple feet, then hit the ground, rolling to a stop. The rain softly hit my body as it laid there. As people started to gather around and one man started to perform CPR on me, I saw a piece of paper fall out of my pocket. I looked closer, and saw that it had a phone number on it, and I looked closer, saw that it said… the girl I had a crush on. I didn’t say anything, I just stood there in silence. That’s why I was so anxious. I looked at the man who was showing me this. I felt my eyes start to fill with tears, when I suddenly jumped up and socked him in the mouth, punching him over and over again, all while I was screaming, “Why, God, why, in the **** did you show me this?!” He kept trying to answer, but I just kept on punching. Finally when I took a breath, I realized I had knocked him unconscious, his face a mess of purple and blue. I put some ice on his bruises, elevated his head, and left. As rain poured down, I put up my hood, stuck in my earbuds, put on some music, and made my way home.
When I got home, my mom and my brother were watching TV. My mom asked from the living room, “Hey, where did you go?” I thought about how I should answer, so I said, “out.” I went upstairs before Mom could answer, and went in my room. I took off my jacket, and lied down in my bed, looking at my ceiling. When did that happen, I thought to myself. Why do I not remember that? Because that would’ve definitely haunt me for the rest of my life, if I were to survive that. I sat up, put on my coat, paused my music, and headed downstairs. Mom asked, “Where are you going now?” I answered, “Out, again.”
I went back to the place where I saw… hell, I don’t even know what to call that. The man who showed me it looked like he had just gotten up. I walked up, and the second he saw me, he looked he saw a ghost. I said, “Look, I’m not here for any trouble.” The man relaxed, but only a little. I sucked in a breath, and said, “I want to know why I couldn’t remember… that.” He too sucked in a breath, and told me everything. The whole time I… just didn’t know what… anything. When he finished, I got up, and left without a sound. When I got home, only Gabe was downstairs, as I could tell by me being greeted with, “Hey, loser.” I made my way upstairs, went to my room, and flopped down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling, and I just silently cried, because just didn’t know what to do except cry.
* * *
For the next few weeks I didn’t say anything, and only answered to teachers, and even then the answers were short. Other than that I didn’t say anything to my peers, my friends, anyone. And, strange enough, I suddenly started getting all A’s, turning in all my homework, getting perfect scores on all tests. It was like I was on autopilot, not really do much other than I was supposed to do. My mom scheduled me to an appointment with my psychiatrist. She asked me how I was doing, how’s school, stuff like that, and the whole time I didn’t tell her about what I saw, or even hint towards it. When we left, I could tell whatever plan she had to find out what was going on with me had failed.