Acceptance Addict

By @PsumiStories

Acceptance Addict

By @PsumiStories

Sometimes we get too close. Sometimes we run from ourselves and never get away, but when you find someone who you think will run with you-everything changes. Smart and beautiful Jacey Ray believed she needed someone in order to be complete. Never did she stop longing for the man of her so called dreams. She soon learns that all you need to do in order to survive, is die first.

Chapter 1

Chapter one

As she clenched her chest with a silent heartbeat exploding with excruciating pain, the pillow caught her tears as he continued to hold the fire up to his blackening decaying spoon with his numb careless hands. Tonight she simply could not beg. Tonight she simply could not plead. Tonight she was finally empty. Tonight she finally felt the equivalent of a littered and repeatedly run over plastic bag filled of pitch black hopelessness covered in tire marks with nowhere to go and unwanted suffocating air to drift though. She was beginning to decay carelessly herself. 

Frightening thoughts of running and the idea of nonexistence to this lovely monster began to shake her still body back to life although the thought of leaving him could mean his death. The idea of no longer nourishing this lovely monster meant dancing with himself to his grave or even worse, this lovely monster recruiting and trapping a replacement victim of love to his treacherous and malnourished dungeon of a palace. She loved him so much that she unintentionally stopped loving herself. She cared for reversing the monster in this beautiful man so greatly that she slowly but surely began to reflect that very same monster in herself. She fed his rotting soul with so much of her delicate energy that took her years and years of absurd and traumatizing experience to obtain. She was one of the most strongest experienced women who lacked wisdom which instantly turned her strength and experience to weakness and depressive vulnerability simply because she was inevitably blind to sin. She was so beautifully selfless and caring that his abusive selfishness was able to become stronger and wiser with her care. 

It was done cooking. Before he fed the beautiful monster some more, he looked over at her in bed while her tears drowned her innocent face filled with failure and a broken heart. Before holding up the flame to the ultimate and temporary ego builder, he hid his excited smile and said the infamous insulting words, ‘I’m sorry.’ This part of the night was always nothing more than a devastating confirmation of how the rest of the night were to commence from here on regardless of her existence and progress in him all together as a whole. He took a careless hit and sat back in satisfaction and self neglecting acceptance. She continued to lay in bed and clenched her chest harder as heart ache struck her soul and she began dry heaving in disparity as if she were an empty water bottle being squeezed of its air and then twisted until it pops against its will.

The love of his life watched him from bed as he walked around like an inhuman robot with no real intentions or knowledge of how to do anything it were trying to do around the house. This thing that was inside of Davids body was frightening. It put him to sleep for the night and was given permission to use his body as a canvas to display its ugly impatience and innocently destructive violence for the time being. Its presence gave her the most uncomfortable layer of ice cold goosebumps she ever had laid across her once glowing skin. There was someone else living with them. There was someone else sleeping in David’s body. There was someone else she was looking at through his darkened eyes. It was more than just them two living in their home. She could never sleep with this stranger in their house. She could never close her screaming eyelids with this stranger in their bed.

Jacey instantly sat up in her bed awakening from her deep sleep so fast that it scared her. She felt like she received an unknown push of terrifying motivation to wake up. She wiped the small amount of warm sweat from her forehead and threw her bath robe on in the corner of her small darkened bedroom. Tiptoeing and feeling her way to the kitchen, she turned on the tea kettle and saw that it was just past two in the morning. She shined the flashlight from her phone into the broken cupboard and removed an emerald green mug and a single tea bag. She flicked on the patio light switch and gently opened the back sliding door just enough for her thin body to slip through sideways. She removed a pack of Marlboro’s from her robe pocket with her anxiety struck-en hand and lit one in the soothing company of the moons bold glare. She was not the only one up and alone in the middle of the night. 

Panic entered her brain and shook the cigarette out of her hand when the already forgotten kettle whistled with its overpowering boil. Jacey Ray rushed back inside accidentally slamming the slider shut and switched off the gas stove and steeped her bubbling tea in the silence of the night. The little light on the bottom corner of the television in the kitchen switched from red to white just before unwanted breaking news showed itself across the miniature screen. She sat on the bar stool and caressed her tea as the reporter announced the beginning of what was to be an extremely severe and dangerous storm to hit the Barnstable county and most surrounding areas. Power outages and flood warnings were at potentially high risk levels. The reporters strongly suggested to stay indoors for the weekend or until further notice. Schools in the Barnstable district and surrounding areas already announcing their closures and extra early dismissals. The storm would arrive around five in the morning beginning with ‘nothing too too serious,’ which was described as two inches of rain per hour until about noon time when the rain would temporarily turn into snow then potentially turn back to rain as dawn set in. Maybe it weren’t such a bad thing that she were up so early she thought to herself. Now she had time to prepare to fill her pantry and maybe pick up a board game or two and a bottle of wine before she was granted cabin fever. That thought crossed back over as she wondered who she would be able to play a board game with if she were to be stuck in her very own company for three days. Light depression hugged her as she accidentally reminded herself that she didn’t really have anyone to be there for this unplanned storm. 

The shower quickly steamed up the bathroom like a smokey camp fire as she removed her robe in front of the mirror. She wiped the fog from the mirror in disruptive circles and critiqued herself wishing she looked differently. Her long brown curls were freed to bounce past her shoulders after removing the black clip from her hair. She removed the contacts from her green eyes and flushed them out with refreshing, much needed eye drops. In the shower she gently ran her hands over the countless scars across her body spanning from her neck to her ankles. A feeling similar to hate rushed through her desperate veins as she instinctively decoded her naked body word for word, scar for scar. She dried off and dressed in khakis and a slightly over-sized black turtle neck. 

 Dosing off on the couch, she tried waiting for the clock to read five in the morning, when the towns local grocery and produce would be opening not long after. 

Their hungry lips touched with the softest form of passion they had both been longing for for ages. Silent smiles ran miles across their faces as soon as they slowly pulled apart from the short seconds of perfected intimacy. He ran his firm hands all over her willing and inviting body as she opened her excited eyes and jumped back as far as panic and unbelievable shock could throw her. His eyes were now streams of blood and his teeth were falling right from his molding and deformed mouth while hardened maggots slivered and squeezed free from his disintegrating nostrils. She screamed mercilessly at the top of her lungs “DAVID!? WHERE IS-” The creature put a silencing finger over his unholy mouth to quiet the panicking girl. The thing that now sat before her reached for one of its bleeding eyes and stretched it wider than its roach infested forehead, projecting sounds of horrid screams from the inside that sounded like Davids voice but slightly deformed. She began crying hysterically full of confusion as the room seemed to shrink smaller and smaller and get overwhelmingly hotter and hotter as if they were standing in a suffocating closet full of deadly flames. “WHATS HAP-“

She grabbed the arm of the sofa just before falling off. She looked at her watch. Four fifty-nine. One hand she placed on her chest as she sat up to calm her fast beating heart, the other reaching for her smokes. Jacey shook and cringed at the thought of all of the cockroaches and maggots frantically rushing from the unapproachable mans body in her unclear dream. She grabbed her keys from the bowl on the worn out coffee table and sought out for the grocery store with hopes of beating all of the others preparing for the storm to come. The wind hugged her from every direction as soon as she stepped out the door. The rain re-soaked her hair within the small distance between her house and the car door. The storm was clearly progressing more rapidly than the meteorologists had predicted hours ago. 

The box of cranberry granola hit the bottom of her basket right before she turned the corner in the towns already overly crowded isles. Exhausted parents mobbed the store accompanied by their energized children whose schools had already been canceled. 

“Jacey? Jacey! Hey! How are ya?” The familiar voice said from behind her shoulder. 

“Hey! Mike, preparing for the storm I see as well,” she said while glancing in his basket full of miniature candles and batteries.

His face began to flush with a pinkish color and he seemed to have something to say that he couldn’t get out. He nervously began fidgeting with his already tucked in shirt and rearranging his belt. 

“R-remember the last time there was a storm like this?” he asked her.

She twisted her ankle slightly and tucked a curl behind her ear, “yes, I do” she replied with a sincere yet cautious smile.

“How about we do it again?” 

“I don’t know, Mike.”

“You- you’re not taken now, are you?”

“Well I just went through a very very very-” 

Mike cut her off with uncontrollable laughter at her prolonged description. 

“Put your granola in my basket, I’ll follow you home,” He insisted with his charming smile and blue eyes. 

“Fine, but if the storm doesn’t get as bad as they say, you gave to go” she said in a strict manner.

Jacey smiled as she pulled out of the puzzle packed parking lot and wiped the confused tears from her soft face as she looked back and saw he was indeed coming on such short notice to keep her company through the storm. She felt an instant bundle of vulnerable thankfulness accompanied by the slightest regret. 

“Let me help you with those!” She managed to holler to him through the loud earthly rocking of the storm.

“I’ve got it! Ill meet you inside!”

She rushed into her bedroom and ripped off her clothes, replacing her ankle socks with knee highs to cover the fresh wounds on her legs and threw on a gray tank-top and some old sweats. 

“Would you like some dry clothes?” She asked him smiling from the doorway, laughing at how he looked like a lost, wet puppy dripping in home-sicken agony. 

“Flattering, but I don’t think we have the same style” he responded with a handsome chuckle.

“Believe it or not, I still have some of your stuff,” she replied looking down at her pants.

Mike cracked a brave yet questionable smile at her response and put the bags of produce down right where he was standing. Jacey rushed over to him and ripped off his dripping jacket and slammed the front door shut knocking down a photo on the table beside. He picked her up and her legs instinctively caressed his rock built body. They didn’t kiss. They both just paused, staring into each others deeply lost eyes they seemed to both miss more than anything. She slowly and carefully ran her gentle hands through his dampened brown mess of hair and inhaled from his neck, she thought to herself, how bad she now realized she missed his scent. 

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